Candlewitch

Feb 07, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week February 5th to February 11th 2023 🏆 Winner

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She Certainly Was...

Contrary, she wore it
like a sparkling diadem.
So comely, yes
such fine angles
an oddity too, smiling
her secret thoughts,
rapt with unheard melodies.
Speaking only with violet
eyes, under lashes smokey,
dusting her peach
blushing cheek.
Unperturbed by the male
element amassing around her
like dogs in heat...

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Jackweb

2 years 4 months ago

A diadem

such a headband symbollizes a badge of royalty. I can imagine a tall lady, slender and graceful. If she crosses my part, I would be on a trail and say hello! LoL.

A very polished piece, with language.
.

Candlewitch

2 years 4 months ago

dear Onyineche,

thank you, always, for your responses!

*hugs, Cat

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 4 months ago

Flapper

Is she a flapper? Or a gypsy queen?

contrary, she wore it
like a sparkling diadem.
So comely, yes
such fine angles
an oddity too, smiling
her secret thoughts,
rapt with unheard melodies.
Speaking only with violet eyes
under lashes smokey,
dusting her peach
blushing cheek.
Unperturbed by the male
element amassing around her
like dogs in heat...

I changed the way lines 8 & 9 play with each other. It sounded better to me that way. It is fine as is. Rhythmically it seemed to make sense to shift it around a bit.

You have uncanny descriptive abilities.
Tim

Candlewitch

2 years 4 months ago

dear Tim,

thank you for your time and energy. I will take a look at your suggestions a bit later in the day. I have started a life story write, just for myself. I am on page 19. it takes up plenty of time. so I will get back to this later. I just received a new ps5 game in the mail and am looking forward to that, too! ;)

*hugs, Cat

Candlewitch

2 years 4 months ago

and, thank you for the lovely

and, thank you for the lovely compliment!

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 4 months ago

You’re welcome

I love all of that for you. Take a break from writing and play some video games. I’m not much of a gamer but I’ll cruise through some of the games I played as a kid. I guess it’s retro gaming. 8 and 16 bit stuff. The musical arrangements in those old games are amazing especially considering the limitations. Watch the mail box for another package. Should be there by tomorrow evening.

Tim

Candlewitch

2 years 4 months ago

dear Tim,

thank you!
we just got a new video game for our new *play station5!

*hugs & love, Cat

Seren

2 years 4 months ago

Dearest Sis

You know who I thought of with her violet eyes?. Elizabeth Taylor. She was stunning when she was young she didn't need to say a word except bat her double-lashed eyes. Yes, double lashes I couldn't believe it!! how lucky can a women get to be so blessed.

Then I thought of our QE2, I always thought how stunning she was also, she had half of the UK nobility panting after her and she never realised it. That's what made her that much more attractive. IMHO.

God I could go on and on, everytime I read this I get something else from it.

This is brilliant congratulations this is a wonderful poem.

Love & hugs always Sis xox

Candlewitch

2 years 4 months ago

dear Sis,

yes!!! it is written for all strong, powerful women who have not allowed their hearts be ruled by men! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

*hugs & love, Sis

p.s.
include yourself in that group!

RoseBlack

2 years 4 months ago

Love this

She sounds sultry, beautiful and like a powerful woman who can command a room with her presence alone! Love her and how you made her come to life. Well done!