Seren

Feb 08, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Ancient Magic of the soul

Fibrils of sepia
elongate across
the crown above,
soft white moonlight
mirrors on the floor

Awestruck, silenced,
an unspoken
gasp of reverence,
was stilled upon
my parted lips,
my night-scape
full of wonder
filigreed in starlight
is now reflected
in my eyes

In my cream temple,
my cathedral in the dark
a pencil is laid down,
and my soul laid bare

Between the fibres
on this tattered page,
ancient magic is made

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Comments

Candlewitch

2 years 5 months ago

dear Sis,

beautiful! these are my favorite lines:

my night-scape
full of wonder
filigreed in starlight
is now reflected
in my eyes

*love, your Sis, Cat

Seren

2 years 5 months ago

Those lines you like weren't fictional. I was sitting in my chair rocking from side to side looking at the night sky, there was no moon but a billion stars it seemed that night and in the window, I noticed that my eyes were reflecting them, so reflection of reflection I guess you could call it

thanks as always for your time and your thoughts they are always valued

much love always Sis xox

Geezer

2 years 5 months ago

This is...

a moment reserved for the depths of night, when all is quiet, and no one is about.
[I would say [On] the fibers of the tattered page].
A quiet night in front of the fire, where the shamans sing. ~ Geez.
.

Seren

2 years 5 months ago

Dearest Bro

A night like tonight I think except tonight is a weird one, the stars are veiled and it's so humid. I don't think I am going to get much sleep it's one of 'those' nights. Thank god for the air-conditioning.

I liked your suggestion and have already changed it

love and higgliest bugs Sis xox

RoseBlack

2 years 5 months ago

This is beautiful

Your poems are just so elegant and tell such beautiful tales! Well done

Seren

2 years 5 months ago

Dear Carrie

Thats a lovely thing to say i really appreciate it, thank you so much

I'm not always elegant in my verbiage. wink ;)

love and hugs Jayne xox

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 5 months ago

Ok I found a thing

I never suggest much for you so here goes…

Awestruck, silenced,
an unspoken
gasp of reverence,
was stilled upon
my parted lips,
my night-scape
full of wonder
filigreed in starlight
is now reflected
in my eyes

I moved one word (gasp). I’m not even really sure why but somehow it felt like it delivered better that way.

You wrote pretty intense poetry,
Tim

Seren

2 years 5 months ago

Dear Tim

I always welcome suggestions and i really liked Geez and yours and have already changed the poem,

thanks as always for the suggestion and the read its always appreciated.

kind regards Jayne

Abby

2 years 5 months ago

I simply love the language

I simply love the language you use here. "filigreed in starlight... night-scape...my cathedral in the dark... the fibres
on this tattered page..." I just love it.

Seren

2 years 5 months ago

Dear Abby

Hi again! I really appreciate your kind comment it's really appreciated.

I am chuffed you liked it!

Kind regards Seren/Jayne-Chloe