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Celso G. Tertins
Celso G. Tertins
Mar 07, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week March 5th to March 11th 2023 🏆 Winner

(Read More...)

a coward's request

strands of spiderweb glistened on blue moonlight
dews sparkled by the marble road
he danced carelessly on the skin of unstable ice,
warmed by yesterday's hepatitis-stricken sun.

one strong foot hanging over a high gorge,
the weaker one stood on thin glass
his fate dangles by a thread acrophobic,
like a coin standing kept upright by blind luck.
death grips the wrist like a cold chain,
and the temptress breathes too close to the ear.

having gambled away all his tomorrows,
in the corner, he waits for the world to close
across the room sits the anointed collector
eyeing what little left he's got to lose.

the debt collector's hand holds a long list
of every debt running still unpaid,
14 years of interest piled up waist-high
the debt collector has his death warrant
but his hand holds a shard of broken glass.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Republic of the Philippines.

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, Allen Ginsberg, F. Garcia Llorca, Langston Hughes

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 4 months ago

This sounds...

as though one is about to unleash a fury
and is weighing the consequences of such an assault.
In other words, those who live in glass houses
shouldn't throw rocks. especially big, heavy ones.

After reading your piece, I understand the title,
but it isn't one that would draw me in.
You might fix that by adding one little word! [In].

It probably doesn't matter that your enemies don't read poetry,
you didn't intend to warn them anyway. Good luck with your quest of vengeance. ~ Geezer.
.

Lavender

Lavender

2 years 4 months ago

a coward's request

Hi, Celso,
A sense of throwing in the towel, no solutions, past despair. I very much like your new title, and the way it emphasizes your final stanza.
Thank you,
L

Rosewood Apothecary

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 4 months ago

I’m not sure if everyone knows

When you have liver disease you’ll appear jaundice which is yellowing of the whites of the eyes and the skin pigmentation is orange. From the bilirubin. That’s some knowledge right there and I really enjoyed reading that line.

This reminds me of an anxiety ridden sleepless night. Pondering some actions taken and aware of the foreboding future. Great job laying tension in there.

Tim

Seren

Seren

2 years 4 months ago

Congratulations your win in

Congratulations your win in the contest with a fine poem.

I have Gilbert's syndrome it's a genetic disorder and it isn't life-threatening but it is a nuisance with regards to the medication I have to take and other factors with bring ill. I was diagnosed when I was in my early twenties but had it from birth unknowingly. I can become jaundiced from just bring stressed. I'm actually yellow atm as I'm in hospital. Sorry to overshare but your hepatitis-steicken sun line stuck out to me.

Congrats again on your win ...

Kind regards Seren