Meditation

Healing from within
Allows us to view our thoughts
And stop our actions

Causing us to act
Totally in a new way
While we seek some help

Creating a change
In the person whom we are
From one we once were

Providing our mind
With the time to understand
We can be better

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA Pennsylvania, USA

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Comments

Lavender

2 years 4 months ago

Meditation

Hello, Clentin,
A peaceful reflection for all of us, especially during this season. I really like using the Eastern structure to create an entire poem. I'm wondering if using "causing" instead of "causes" works a bit easier since all the other stanzas share that same tense. Also, third stanza, second line - perhaps use "whom" instead of "that."
All of your thoughtful stanzas embrace meditation and its lovely benefits.
Thank you!
L

Clentin

2 years 4 months ago

Thank you. Your suggestions

Thank you. Your suggestions do make more sense, thank you. I will make changes

Geezer

2 years 4 months ago

Sounds like...

a message from one of those self-help things. Telling us all the things we already know but are too lazy to undertake.
~ Geezer.
.

Clentin

2 years 4 months ago

Thanks for reading my poems.

Thanks for reading my poems. I appreciate you comments

Geezer

2 years 4 months ago

Sorry that...

I wasn't more encouraging. I think maybe you are about over the new phase of writing Haikus and maybe should undertake
some more esoteric messages, if you are to continue writing them. ~ Geezer.
.

Mr joghe

2 years 4 months ago

Good write!

Good write!
I really fall for the stanza 1 and 4 of the poem. Everyone can be healed depends on the matter of time and environment influence.