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The Continuing Saga of Freeze-frame Fred of the Gnomes
So, sagas will often continue
curious momentum has been known to do,
Fred's wrists were so swollen,
he was tied up and stolen,
by the "anti-lawn jockey" crew.
Well, Freds' concern ever broadened
courtesy his serendipitious trend,
with no possible way,
tied up Fred could get away,
he was in dire need of a friend.
Then, Gnome King Fred had a thought
that when they arrived at the toll-gate spot,
he would scream out and yelp,
and would plead for some help,
Fred hated this crew with all he's got.
Firstly, a "lawn jockey" Fred surely wasn't
he was a Gnome, and thought that apparent;
Freds' patience were gone,
he was stolen from Docs' lawn,
he loved traveling, but this was not what he meant!
Then, they stopped to eat by the border
and left Fred in the car to go order;
he then got himself, free
a border toll-booth, he did see,
so, Fred paid the man a buck, and a quarter.
Now, Fred's standing still on a prison yard
freeing himself from that crew wasn't hard;
the mistake Fred had made,
was, the man that he paid,
arrested Fred, for bribing a border guard!
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
docmaverick
14 years 3 months ago
Sometimes....
...that's all each of us needs, is a chuckle to ward off the cold of reality. So happy you enjoyed these two poems. The second one, almost didn't get posted....but, you encouraged me when you wrote that you hoped that there was more. You should always be careful how you encourage a poet.
doc.
Hooded Stranger
14 years 3 months ago
Doc
Doc,
I missed this and the first one you posted. My son is with me this weekend, so he & i will read them together and no doubt he will critique your work...if you can handle a 12 year old's critique!!
Seriously, I thank you for this...my son will be overjoyed to have Fred back.
Will comment properly after the weekend,
many thanks indeed,
HS (and Oliver)
docmaverick
14 years 3 months ago
I had hoped....
...that you saw the postings. I hesitated posting the second one, because I wasn't sure if the second one was appropriate, or not.
Shit happens. I guess even to Freeze Frame Fred of the Gnomes.
doc.
Hooded Stranger
14 years 2 months ago
Mr Doc
Mr Doc,
this one wasn't as good as the first one. It has some big words in it which I didn't understand. and you said 'shit' hehe!
And my dad says you spelled 'swollen' wrong and he says thats bad, but I spell words wrong all the time so i don't mind.
love
Oliver
docmaverick
14 years 2 months ago
Sir Oliver....
...well, what can I say? I appreciate your taking the time to share your comments with me. I have corrected my spelling error; but have decided to leave the body of work, as it is. I figure, that a few big words can really, only "help".....you know, to increase your ever growing vocabulary; kind of like I did with the word, "shit"! Teehee.
thanx again,
doc.
Hooded Stranger
14 years 2 months ago
Mr Doc
Mr Doc,
my Dad is teaching me bigger words and you are right to leave them in the poem.
I will tell my mum that you've taught me the 'S' word...she won't be happy but my daddy is finding is very funny indeed.
thank you,
Oliver
Hooded Stranger
14 years 2 months ago
Ian
Ian,
I'll go halves with you to pay the bail and Oliver will donate his £5 pocket money too!
Lol!
HS
Hooded Stranger
14 years 1 month ago
Transmogrification and pixilated Penguins
Ian,
yeah, that's really helpful!! I can't spell them myself, let alone explain to Oliver what they mean...but maybe he'll teach me in time!!
Lol!
HS
CCfire
14 years 2 months ago
Wow poor fred lol love the
Wow poor fred lol love the humor in this write, brought smiles all round :)
docmaverick
14 years 1 month ago
Thanx, C.C.....
...but, you all should gknow better than to encourage a "maverick".....or,a "gnomad"!
humbly,
doc.
judyanne
14 years 2 months ago
lol doc
i;ve read all three now....
so enjoyable
and i see that my warning to you about fred's possible kidnapping came too late lol
just love the name - freeze-frame fred....
love judy
docmaverick
14 years 1 month ago
Thanx, Judy....
...freeze-frame Fred keeps things a-hoppin', or I would've responded sooner.
Actually, Fred wasn' too "keen" on how I've been "touting" his "binnez" over the internet!
I told him that, it's to preserve the Arts, and to record the beloved Gnomes' Royal historical blog! If I gknow Fred...he'll forget it all by morning....I hope!
thanx, again;
doc.
Kailashana2
14 years 1 month ago
Poor Fred, thank God he's not
Poor Fred, thank God he's not better off dead. ;-)
Love the dialogue between Dan, Fred, you and Oliver. That alone is worth the price of admission.
~A