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Mar 30, 2023
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Tongue
It is gone.
That pink and red muscle
Dissolved like candy
In its own fluids.
Or a curled pillbug
Surrendered to sleep indefinite
By the lottery box.
How it yowls
Cold from the living room
And severs from me
My child,
Rage.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Geezer
2 years 3 months ago
I'm not sure...
of the theme here. It could be the parent is really tired of the child's teething pains or maybe even resentful of the baby,
"How it yowls
cold from the living room
and severs from me
My child,
Rage
The language use is very effective in describing the tongue, and the sleep indefinite, a lottery box intending to show the baby sleeps on it's own schedule. All-in-all, a good use of language to give a good description of the mood.
~ Geezer.
.
Lavender
2 years 3 months ago
Tongue
Hello, Kyle,
While reading this, I thought of the expression "Watch your tongue." It feels like loss of control and the regret in letting rage get the better. I am curious and intrigued. Very descriptive.
Thank you!
Lavender