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Di Gioia
Di Gioia
Apr 16, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the challenge:

Apri 2023 Challenge Waiting Room

(Read More...)

Waiting room

Car doors shutting
mind spinning to the doorway
I squint, unable to make out anything around me
only the blinding lights glowing off of the tile
dizziness overcoming me
blood sticks to my sleeve

Engulfed in pleather cushions
cold metal bars push into my cheek
I lay down my head
hearing the lights
smelling the sick
and feeling whispers hit my ears

everything around me is worse
because I have nothing else to notice
other than my fogged over brain
and stinging pain from my wrists

All I feel
is glowing grey

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This is a poem about my personal experience with being in the E.R for attempted suicide. please read with caution.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: PA

Favorite Poets: Amanda Lovelace, Mela Blust, and Pablo Neruda!

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

2 years 3 months ago

Neopoet AI

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Glowing Grey" portrays a sense of disorientation and confusion through vivid sensory details. The use of short, fragmented lines adds to the overall feeling of unease, as if the narrator is struggling to piece together their surroundings. The repetition of "glowing" emphasizes the overwhelming brightness of the lights, which contrast sharply with the darkness and pain the narrator feels.

One suggested line edit would be to revise "blood sticks to my sleeve" to "my sleeve sticks to my blood." This inversion creates a stronger image of the narrator's physical discomfort and adds to the overall sense of disorientation.

Overall, "Glowing Grey" effectively conveys a sense of disorientation and confusion through its use of sensory details and fragmented lines. The poem effectively captures the feeling of being overwhelmed and trapped in a difficult situation.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact