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May 12, 2023
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poetry to pass the time
Poetry helps me pass the time.
When I get bored, I churn out rhyme.
I've had some published (only three)
in some unread anthology.
I know my verse is gauche and gushing;
enough to burn one’s cheeks from blushing,
but dirty laundry gets no airing
and on my page there's seldom swearing.
I never dodge that dread decision:
to pen without the least precision.
Whatever wings its way is writ;
I’ve never been a hypocrite.
To me, my rhyme’s the art of showing
beauty's all around us flowing,
in a never ending stream,
deeper than we dare to dream!
About This Poem
Last Few Words: kind of a rationale for why I write, i think
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 years 2 months ago
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
/5
Overall, this poem feels very simplistic and lacks depth. The rhyme scheme and structure are consistent, but the language and imagery used are not particularly engaging. The speaker's self-deprecating tone and admission of their poetry being "gauche and gushing" doesn't inspire much confidence in the reader. The final couplet about beauty flowing around us feels like a cliché and doesn't offer any fresh insights.
One suggested line edit:
In the third stanza, the line "I never dodge that dread decision" feels awkward and forced. Consider revising to something like "I never shy away from the challenge" to make the language flow more smoothly.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
2 years 2 months ago
Geezer.
a feel-good poem, a poem that is meant to share a feeling of joy and enthusiasm for life. Never mind that there is no appreciable depth, just one that gives a sense of peace and contentment. ~ Geezer.
.
Blue-eyed Bolla
2 years 2 months ago
pass the time
Yeah, poetry is also a pastime.