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Blue-eyed Bolla
Blue-eyed Bolla
Jun 04, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This Poem

This poem is a locust cloud,
a sacrilegious sinner’s shroud
that pours its poison on the page
and rains with ruthless, righteous rage.

Though maybe it’s a cry for help,
a coyote’s howl or puppy’s yelp.
Or it’s a case of: quite absurd,
to waste the worthy written word.

And poetry’s a poor excuse
for pent-up pain to be let loose.
A poet, out of shame or pride,
should, in his soul, let sorrows hide.

Yet poetry’s a tasteless tear,
a fragment of a frantic fear
in stanzas, formed from furtive flood,
that bleeds, with ink, its precious blood.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Please, any title suggestions???

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Buxton, Derbyshire., GBR

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

2 years 1 month ago

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Your poem "This Poem" is a well-crafted piece that employs vivid imagery and a unique perspective on the nature of poetry. The use of metaphors like "locust cloud" and "sacrilegious sinner's shroud" add depth and complexity to the poem. Additionally, the contrast between "coyote's howl or puppy's yelp" and "pent-up pain" creates an interesting tension that keeps the reader engaged.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider the pacing of the poem. While the first stanza is strong and sets the tone for the rest of the piece, the second stanza feels a bit rushed and could benefit from more development. Also, the final stanza is powerful, but the transition from the previous stanza could be smoother.

Overall, "This Poem" is a thought-provoking piece that challenges traditional notions of poetry and offers a fresh perspective. Keep up the good work!

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Lavender

2 years 1 month ago

This Poem

Beautiful! I feel the title is perfect! Really like the reference to the tear being "tasteless" - really made me think about that line.
Wonderful, as usual,
L

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 1 month ago

I love this!...

I believe the answer to fleshing out the second stanza, and slowing it down,
is as simple as adding a couple of little words and small changes to a line.

"[a] coyotes howl..."

just wasting worthy written words.

~ Geez.