Afternoon Storm

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses metaphor and vivid imagery to create a dramatic scene of an approaching storm. The use of musical instruments as metaphors, such as "rumbling spirits on timpani" and "a cymbal jolts the air", adds a unique layer of sensory detail that can be further developed.

However, the phrase "mystic places" is somewhat vague and could benefit from more specific imagery or context. It would be beneficial to consider what these "mystic places" are and how they contribute to the overall theme or mood of the poem.

The transition from the thunder to the rain is handled well with the metaphor of a curtain opening. However, the phrase "scattering white sparks amid the dark" could be more clearly connected to the storm imagery. Are these sparks lightning? If so, consider making this more explicit to strengthen the overall coherence of the poem.

The structure of the poem, with lines becoming progressively shorter, effectively mirrors the approach of the storm and the sudden onset of rain. However, the single-word line "rain" might be more impactful if it were paired with a more descriptive or unexpected word or phrase.

Overall, the poem demonstrates a strong command of metaphor and sensory detail. With some refinement, it could offer an even more immersive and evocative depiction of a storm.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

with the AI in regards to the use of mystic places, I think that most readers know the word mystic
is supposed to be mysterious.
I suppose that you could say; [ white sparking lightning] or some such to make clear that it is lightning you are speaking of.
Nicely done! ~ Geez.
.

I also disagree with the Bot on "However, the phrase "scattering white sparks amid the dark" Readers of the poem know the white sparks instinctively relate to the lightning, possibly because we have experienced it and the Bot hasn't?

I liked your word choice, the layout and the way you fitted everything together visully. It was perfect, really enjoyed it. Ruby :)