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Jul 13, 2023
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Music class
That time we made the music teacher cry
Before the silent waiting keyboards and an unruly class of angry young girls
She was new and we were unfamiliar
I cannot recall her name
That time we made the music teacher cry
I admired her slight punk look and boyish hairstyle
A certain hit with the class surly ? I think as
I entered the room with quite respect
assessing the silence
That time we made the music treachery cry
It was my birthday
The class sang the song to me on repeat
teacher waiting to assert her assumed authority
A mistake
That time we made the music teacher cry
My emotions fell as descending music notes
pride-amusement -regret-remorse
And after the seventeen time
She ran out of the music room with the silent keyboards and cried.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 years 3 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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Lavender
2 years 3 months ago
Music Class
Hello, Emma,
I like this because it is so straight-forward. The emotion is very stark. I feel the torment and tease, the teacher's anguish and confusion, and the remorse in the memory. I assume this was your 17th birthday? Perhaps try to make the lines more evenly formed for the reader. This feels stronger each time I read it.
Thank you,
L
ES Poetry
2 years 3 months ago
Great feedback Tysm. I will
Great feedback Tysm. I will have a jig of the lines. I think I
Was 15, I’m trying to do something other than rhymes as I am at a poetry festival currently and the poems there just don’t rhyme!
ES x
Pa I went quite on here for a while because I lost my login details! Missed the Neopoets
ES Poetry
2 years 3 months ago
Silent keyboards
Silent keyboards
That time
we made the music teacher cry in the room with waiting silent keyboards
an unruly class of angry young girls She was new and we were
unfamiliar and ungrateful I cannot recall her name
That time
we made the music teacher cry I admired her delicate punk edge
and boyish haircut A hit with the class surly? I think
As I slink the room with
quite respect, assessing the silence
That time
we made the music teacher cry It was my birthday, I was fifteen The whole class sang the song to me
on repeat, music teacher waiting
to assert her assumed authority A mistake in hindsight I release
That time
we made the music teacher cry My emotions fell as descending notes
that played -pride-amusement -regret-remorse, and after the 15th time She ran out of the music room
with those waiting silent keyboard
and cried.
ES.poetry.4u