Lavender

Jul 20, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The One Who Got Away

You might have been my breath,
the offbeat of my heart, the pause

before I speak, the warm sensation
I feel as I walk in the sun.

I may have known you better,
known you as I know sand beneath

my feet, or water as it courses through
my fingers, or the heaviness of my eyes

as I fight to stay awake while writing this poem
about you, to you, for you.

We could have been overlapping shadows
meandering along the grasses, softly settling within the dusk,

waiting for another day to hold us, give us life
full of sounds, scents, playful words,

and silence. I would have liked to have known
you better. You might have been my breath...

the pause I take before I say your name
only to wonder why you aren't here.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Billy Collins, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.

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Comments

RoseBlack

1 year 12 months ago

Wow

The feeling of lost love...the one we never truly get over. I love the comparison to knowing the person as well as the feel of sand on your feet, water coursing through your fingers or the heaviness of your eyes. This whole poem is very tangible and emotive. Well done.

Lavender

1 year 11 months ago

Hello, Carrie,

Feeling a bit nostalgic late one evening and this poem found its way to my page. Thank you, as always, for reading and sharing!
L

Michael Anthony

1 year 12 months ago

Enjoyed this one L! I've

Enjoyed this one L! I've often wondered about someone and what may have been with just a look. Good stuff!

Best

Lavender

1 year 11 months ago

Hello, Michael,

Yep, sometimes it makes you wonder.
Thank you for reading. I'm happy you enjoyed it!
L

Obadiah Grey

1 year 12 months ago

This is a great example of

This is a great example of how to meld "CONTENT", formatting, and punctuation into real poetry!

If I were to be pedantic (errrrm, bit like Geez I guess) the bits I stumbled over was,,,,,

"as I fight to stay awake while writing this poem
about you, to you, for you.",,, and the word "like" in the following line.

Seriously great piece of poetry,,,, well done Lav !!!

Obi.

Lavender

1 year 11 months ago

Hi, Obi,

This surfaced late one evening - like most heavy thoughts usually do. I will consider your suggestion regarding the "as I fight..." line. Maybe that is too distracting, or personal? I will gratefully take your suggestion to remove "like" as it flows and sounds much better without it.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Lav

Candlewitch

1 year 11 months ago

dear Lavender,

if you haven't entered this for poem of the week, then you should do so!

*love, Cat

Lavender

1 year 11 months ago

Hello, Cat,

Aww...thanks for the lovely support. I'll give it some thought.
I am grateful you read this and commented!
Lx

Ruby Lord

1 year 11 months ago

Very touching, I shuddered as

Very touching, I shuddered as I read it a second time. Lost love, I look backwards often. Sometimes I have to remind myself where I am and not where I might be.
I loved your use of enjambment in the lines. It's one of the best examples I have seen for a long time: It keeps the poems flow going and it also stopped me from breathing. Felt like I was asthmatic.
The emotions pour out of your words. I loved it, Ruby :)

Lavender

1 year 11 months ago

Hello, Ruby,

A passing thought I had late one night...
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. It's probably best we don't know what we've missed - or more so, what thankfully missed us.
L