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A strange story
Once
Each
Word
Was new,
Had not existed,
Never been spoken,
So, say
‘Seaweed’,
For the first time,
‘Seaweed’,
Weed of the sea,
Smell the word,
Flavour it,
Salt-fresh
Or foul decay,
Savour the words -
Green-Hair,
Oarweed,
Hen-Pen,
Rosy-Pink-Plates,
Dew-Drops,
Oyster-Thief,
Kelp,
Coiling
The threads
Of Mermaid-String,
Knot them Into your brain,
And watch
Light waves roll
With the tide,
Sun-lit red,
Gold and lettuce green,
Fronds and fans,
Ribs and hands,
Seaweed.
It’s a strange story,
a word, a sentence, paragraph,
a poem:
Seaweed.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I was inspired by the title of of one of this month's contests 'a strange story'. Of course this has too many lines! But I like the way it is coming together, so am looking for suggestions on this longer poem, while I also trial a shorter one, same theme, for the contest.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Alex Tanner
1 year 10 months ago
Seaweed
Hello Jenifer, I liked this immensely and I think you could cut the length of each stanza to fit the required parameters without losing any of the words. I read it as though I was still on the stage and it works very well. Alex
Jenifer James
1 year 10 months ago
Thanks, Alex. Good advice - I
Thanks, Alex. Good advice - I had started more like you suggested, then played with this form. I really appreciate that you read it as though still on the stage, as that is a bit how I wrote it, to be read aloud.
I will follow your thoughts.
Jakub Zoltowski
1 year 10 months ago
Once upon a time
Once upon a time
Each
Word
Was new
Jenifer James
1 year 10 months ago
Thanks, Jakub, I love your
Thanks, Jakub, I love your suggestion too. Maybe for another poem I have tucked away a similar theme... that sense of, indeed, another time. Thank you.
Alex Tanner
1 year 10 months ago
Yes
A very good start. Alex
Jenifer James
1 year 10 months ago
Thanks, Alex. Much
Thanks, Alex. Much appreciated.
scribbler
1 year 10 months ago
Hi Jen
What a love subject for poetry which is nothing but words. Indeed I'm certain some words are invented even now to be used in poetry
Jenifer James
1 year 10 months ago
Totally agree, Scribbler.
Totally agree, Scribbler.
And who invented these gorgeous words for seaweed, if not poets: Hen-Pen, Rosy-Pink-Plates? not just a scientist, but a scientist with a poet's heart.
They are all real seaweeds by the way.