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A

ArrowWords

Apr 14, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

You in the Moon Split Water

You in moon split water
came by me,
sparkling.
We shone naked
cupped by warm
skin dripped
soundings of
one into other,

deep.

Wet slipped
gliding grasps
through our lips,
lapped love
from the heart pools
of our souls

until it,
all drunk up
in the moon waned
tear drops,

ultimately,
intimately,
died.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Country/Region: CAN

Favorite Poets: Dylan Thomas, Walt Whitman, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Leonard Cohen, Constantine Cavafy

More from this author

Comments

Pamela A. Lamppa

Pamela A. Lamppa

14 years 3 months ago

Your title presents a most

Your title presents a most interesting visual to begin this lovely read. It places a glow around such an intimate moment. Your ending thoughts are sensual and beautiful.

My only suggestions would be to refine line breaks for the ultimate in pause and thought. Lovely. ~Pamela

. .
.

A

14 years 3 months ago

Breaks

Thanks. I changed the breaks a bit separating the last lines hopefully to slow them down.

Cheers,
Don

14 years 3 months ago

I love this!

Exquisite poetry. Seldom do I read something that I would dearly love to have written myself.

I'm sorry I can't offer any constructive suggestions, although I agree with Pamela, the choices would have to be yours, play with it, try some different arrangements.

A

14 years 3 months ago

Thanks I am glad you enjoyed

Thanks I am glad you enjoyed it.

A

14 years 3 months ago

Thanks. It is a story that in

Thanks. It is a story that in the end I thought needed no more than these words.

Cheers,

Don

14 years 3 months ago

captured

right from the start the beauty of this write, it's smooth capturing sense of allure embraces you in it's sensuality.
WoW, is all I can truly say.
Eddie C.

D

14 years 3 months ago

Gr8 write Don

A lovely, almost photographic write, I love the imagry I can see in my mind. Thats the highest compliment I can think of. ThanQ for sharing.

John

A

14 years 3 months ago

Thanks John. Cheers, Don

Thanks John.

Cheers,
Don

14 years 3 months ago

So soft

This starts of with a sense of calm and it continues straight through with the images of such clarity it reads like a painting or a photograph. Lovely work.

14 years 3 months ago

So soft

This starts of with a sense of calm and it continues straight through with the images of such clarity it reads like a painting or a photograph. Lovely work.