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CCfire
CCfire
Apr 14, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

pagan

let's resurrect us
based on survival
there is a need
to travel life in pairs
you are weak
a kitten without claws
extraneous, leaning against will

the rock i am built upon
is not your morality of judgment
i don't need your approval
to know when the tide hits
faith won't wash me away

i'll stand content
in the face of deaths voice

not expecting to be saved

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Melbourne, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Bukowski, Neruda, Rumi, Gibran, Jeffers, Corso, Waldman, Kerouac

More from this author

Comments

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

14 years 3 months ago

I like your title

although it may scare some off. Not me though <<grins>> I an I an old pagan!
The theme is a good one. I like the unfearful vein that runs through the piece very much. That unaplogetic stance against moralizing and judgement is well-known to me, coming from many of my fellow pagans and wiccan friends.

Excellent write Chez.

Frederick Kesner

Frederick Kesner

14 years 3 months ago

Very tight and compact

The title is short and descriptive. I would have hoped it to be not summative of the poem itself. But that is just me. I am not a very good creator of titles. And sometimes the short and simple title works the best.

B

bloke

14 years 3 months ago

Well

This poem hit me hard, quite hard indeed. The last three lines especially. I am definitely looking forward to reading more of your work.

B

bloke

14 years 3 months ago

the title

Great title, you need not change it, you must have some knowledge in pagan precursors.

B

bloke

14 years 3 months ago

Afraid

Be not afraid cc.

weirdelf

weirdelf

14 years 3 months ago

I like you

and your content.

I think I'd look a bit further afield tho than Freddie Neecher before calling a poem "Pagan".

The first stanza feels to me like 3 aphorisms, disparate, rather than cohesive verse. To be blunt this has less poetic qualities than others of yours I've read.

CCfire

CCfire

14 years 3 months ago

good get

This was born out of thoughts more than a thought out poem, it was definitely in response to finishing The Antichrist but you know the more I read of philosophers the more I feel the need to live rather than wait for an end. I think I am beginning to like aphorisms.

weirdelf

weirdelf

14 years 3 months ago

I adore aphorisms.

Ever seen the work of Jenny Holzer? She's done some monumental aphoristic constructions.

Some of my favourite aphorisms are-
Property is theft.
In a dog eat dog world, it is better not to be a dog.
When freedom is outlawed only the outlaw is free.
I am forever unwrapping the eternal present.

If you "feel the need to live rather than wait for an end" then I think you are reading philosophy well.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

14 years 3 months ago

Hello CC

It was your title that attracted my attention! (I've been calling myself wiccan when I am actually pagan. time to come out of the closet! LOL!)
I had to look up the word "aphorism", so I'm getting a well rounded education on neo! I like the way you think! I have never read Nietzsche, but my curiosity is such that I will look into it. I like the content and hard lines of your poem, especially:

the rock i am built upon
is not your morality of judgment
i don't need your approval
to know when the tide hits
faith won't wash me away

i'll stand content
in the face of deaths voice

not expecting to be saved

Thanks for the great read.

always, Cat

CCfire

CCfire

14 years 3 months ago

Nietzsche they say is good

Nietzsche they say is good inspiration and to think. I enjoy it and his views on religion are quite fascinating. Thus Spoke Zarathustra is his main one, almost his version of what a bible should be but his others such as Beyond Good and Evil, Twilight of the Gods and The Antichrist are worth reading too. This came out as thoughts after reading more than a poem but I wanted to get some reaction for it. Thanks

V

vexations10

14 years 3 months ago

I like this a lot

especially the verse that Cat posted above. “the rock I ......
I think some sentence breaks would help me but I understand that is a matter of style. It helped me a good deal to read it not only a second but a third time.