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Aug 31, 2023
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Hot Summer Nights
Ninety degrees after dark
The sticky sweet aroma of skin on skin
Dripping steam down slippery window panes
Hidden within a sacred spot in the park
Strong hands through my hair; hold me tight
Breath on breath; my favorite aphrodisiac
Tucked beneath him safely; in a forbidden lovers twist
Surrendering to something so wrong; yet so beautifully right
Shivering within his grasp; the growl in his voice left me entranced
The woman in me, honoring the man in him
Our shadows merging into one within a tantric dance
A night I'll never forget
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 10 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively uses vivid imagery and sensory details to create an intense atmosphere of passion and intimacy. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved.
Firstly, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of punctuation. For example, in the line "Breath on breath; my favorite aphrodisiac" the semicolon seems to be used as a pause, but in other lines, there is no punctuation to indicate a pause. Consistent punctuation can help guide the reader through the poem and create a more rhythmic reading experience.
Secondly, the poem could be more effective if it explored the tension between the "wrong" and the "beautifully right" in more depth. This is a compelling theme, but it is only briefly touched upon in the poem. Expanding on this could add more layers to the poem and make it more emotionally resonant.
Lastly, the line "The woman in me, honoring the man in him" could be interpreted in various ways, and it might be beneficial to clarify what is meant by this. Is it about gender roles, mutual respect, or something else? Providing more context could help the reader better understand the poem's message.
Overall, this poem has a strong foundation and with some refinement, it could be even more powerful.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
RoseBlack
1 year 10 months ago
Thanks Mark
I tweaked it a little bit. Glad you enjoyed
Geezer
1 year 10 months ago
This was...
definitely hot. Steamy and slick. ~ Geez.
.
RoseBlack
1 year 10 months ago
Thanks Gee
I tweaked it a little bit just now. Glad you enjoyed!
Lavender
1 year 10 months ago
Hot Summer Nights
Love the "sacred spot in the park" - it makes all the hot, steaminess really stand out!
Really like this!
L
RoseBlack
1 year 10 months ago
Thank you L
True story about the sacred spot in the park...the whole story is true except the time of the year..it was actually really cold out but ninety degrees inside the vehicle lol
Clentin
1 year 10 months ago
Great poem, one really can
Great poem, one really can feel the the effect of a “hot steamy night”
RoseBlack
1 year 10 months ago
Thanks Clentin
Glad you enjoyed.