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Sep 12, 2023
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drunken hiccups
Me and my old man
Are far from
perfect
I struggle to keep up,
To get all of my ducks,
But if the ocean was whiskey
He’d dive like a duck,
And that would be that
And I would be done.
Me and my old man
Have no silver nor gold,
I even seen it in the window
Of an old man's pawn shop.
And I cry,
and I cry,
While he sips on his whisky,
Fumbling his hands
with his invisible gold band.
Untrustworthy and poor
I fall and
i fall
Into his old arm
So Sturdy,
So warm.
Me and my old man,
We don't get along,
If whiskey was a woman
He'd be downed and washed up.
He walks around the mountain
Hobbling along,
You can't shake the devil
He won't leave you alone!
Especially if you're drinkin’
And thinkin’
alone.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Based on an old American country banjo song 'Rye whiskey' from an old wives perspective .
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 9 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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Obadiah Grey
1 year 9 months ago
Well, there ya go,
Well, there ya go,
There was I about to reply
To a time worn ( YEE HAA) Fuula phlegm
God fearin gnarly cow girly woman,
then, to my surprise,
She's from the,,,, Cotswolds!!
Original from the title to the poems end.
Great piece, Isabel.
Obi.
Isabel Agatha
1 year 9 months ago
Thank you! I’m learning to
Thank you! I’m learning to play banjo and it’s one of my fave songs to listen to and learn! Very unusual for a wee English girl haha
Lavender
1 year 9 months ago
Rye Whiskey
Hello, Isabel,
Listened to Tex Ritter and read along the lyrics. I agree - great title to go with this raw and genuine piece.
Thank you!
:
Isabel Agatha
1 year 9 months ago
Rye whiskey
Thank you! Old American country music has a rawness and hidden sadness in it that I wish to reflect and hoped I captured it :)
Geezer
1 year 9 months ago
The banjo...
has always been my favorite western music instrument. Nice job! ~ Geezer.
.
Isabel Agatha
1 year 9 months ago
Banjo
It’s a lot easier to learn than I thought even tho I have two left hands!! Thank you means a lot :)
paleoray
1 year 9 months ago
Straight out tell it like it
Straight out tell it like it is, down right raw, but very descriptive piece. Yes….your poem could easily be set to music and be the next country song hit sensation Isabel. Great writing. Thank you for the post.