Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Oct 09, 2023
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the challenge:
October 2023 Challenge Write a poem about the street where you grew up
INTAKE ROAD
INTAKE ROAD
In this old photo, trembling in my hand
I’m there, walking up the dim grey street
Old houses, now - as they always were
Two up two down terraces, now a blur
Up ahead, the wheel makes it complete
Everything’s gone now, you understand
It was a community that is now dispersed
Solid working families, partners in coal
Then a revolution came and all was lost
But loss of identity was the greatest cost
Mines all shut down, and it took its toll
It was if our whole county was cursed
Then I felt some tears welling up inside
And the photo dropped from my fingers
Just down to the floor, not a mile below
Like the dark shafts where we would go
How is it such a mixed memory lingers
When the last thing to disappear is pride
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Triskelion
1 year 9 months ago
This form...
...is starting to grow on me. Perhaps because of its rarity or your capable employment of it. The content is finely written as well.
Thomas
Triskelion
1 year 9 months ago
...and..
..you might consider changing the word "whole" to "entire" in S2L6 if you feel it improves the metre there.
Thomas
Geezer
1 year 9 months ago
I would say...
that this borders on prose.
The rhythm and rhyme are pretty well muted; [not that it is a bad thing.]
Just that the reader notes the story, first.
I saw the elusive memories of exactly how things were, the neighborhood.
The emotion with this is tangible; well done ! ~ Geezer.
.
Tawny023
1 year 8 months ago
Coal mines
Maybe it’s the Ky girl in me that is unbridled and can’t be erased, but this made me cry. Coal miners plight is colder then most could ever understand or bear. Your town is not alone as technology and other resources are used it’s these little towns of good hearted ppl that suffer the most. Thank you for given your memories a voice. Every line was spot on.
RoseBlack
1 year 8 months ago
My grandfather
Was a miner before moving to New York...thank you for sharing your memories. I remember the stories he used to tell so well.