Neopoem Of The Week October 29th to November 4th 2023.

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KEEPING WATCH

A spinning cogwheel has but little choice
Except to turn, few hearing its tiny voice
Of a complex mechanism, just a tiny part
Yet continuing functionality is at its heart
And in pristine condition, free from grime
A lifetime of duty, to keep accurate time

The round face is what the world will see
Behind the scenes, all driven by a battery
A finite life once the marriage has begun
But also cousins who depend on the sun
There are still ancestors of an older kind
With spring mechanisms one has to wind

What goes within this slim round factory
For most, is a misunderstood complexity
Almost silent, but all parts are committed
It’s two moving hands for the dim-witted
In a waistcoat pocket or worn on the wrist
Yet for the mechanism, time doesn’t exist

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Region, Country: w,yorks, UK, GBR

Comments

Geezer

1 year 7 months ago

I like this look...

within a timepiece
it makes us aware of the passage of time., not only in respect to hours and minutes,
but also in history; where the idea of "keeping" time or measuring it became an obsession for mankind.

I would have used different terms and words to write this piece, but I can see the rhythm in it.
I think that you might make this a smoother poem if you use different words and structure.
Some of the terminology seems a little bit outdated.
A sample of what I would have said is:

A spinning cogwheel has little choice
Excepting to turn, and few hear its voice
A complex working, a small, tiny part
Being functional is at its' true heart

I think that no matter what you do, the smoothness of the piece depends on how your rhythm flows.
Good luck, ~ Geezer.
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