Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Stepping on whose head?
Sucking the life out
of all you touch
they are but stepping stones
To you they don't mean
much.
You're so high
on yourself
you don't see me
getting close
So self absorded
Grinning,
not seeing what's about
to strike home
The payment of one life
justifies the sinning
There will be smiles
not one tear
When a fist full of dirt
is dropped upon
the fertile earth
Only then will beauty
come from your head
All see and admire it
the joy you will provide
when you are dead
Here on my boat
crossing the river
You bitch and moan
it is too late
Yours was not a life
well spent
Though a payment
must be made
to cross the styx
The coins upon your eyes
are taken by those in need
Did you think
when you had passed
there'd be no debt to pay
Now whose stepping
on who's head.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I do not fear death, because it is the long awaited sleep.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 3 months ago
Ian
I am glad you liked it, I just wrote this at word on the fly.
thank you for the fix!
Eddie C.
Breakinglogic
14 years 3 months ago
I think the title was
I think the title was excellent.
The write itself had a unique theme that I particularly liked
I thought it was well put together
there were a few spelling errors that can be worked out.
stanza 4, line 5 : fertal --> fertile
stanza 6, line 4 : to --> too
stanza 6, line 6 : spend --> spent
stanza 8, line 3 : there be --> there'd be
Nice job
cheers,
logic
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 3 months ago
Logic
Thank you so very much for taking the time to edit for me.
Plain lazy when it comes to spelling and grammar, I drive Jess (weirdelf) crazy with it. He gets in my case all the time.
I'm glad you enjoyed the write, that part means a lot to me.
Eddie C.
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 3 months ago
Ian
Miss understanding, Thanks!
Eddie C.