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Nov 27, 2023
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This poem is part of the contest:
Neopoem Of The Week November 26th 2023 to December 2nd 2023
Brother You Are
From the day I was born
You were always there
You're always interested
From my studies to my hair
Sixteen years of laughter
Mixed in with a fight or two
Even when you were angry
I could always count on you
During every difficult situation
That night with tears not a few
I'll never forget the words you said
"I will never let anyone hurt you."
Even when I was a rebellious kid
You never stopped caring about me
I was more than just an idiot sister
You saw potential of what I could be
On your wedding day, I stood there
As you married the love of your life
I was so proud to be part of that day
I'm here through happiness and strife
I know I don't say it nearly enough
And for that mistake I truly apologize
You always cared, even when I didn't
Understand things, I never realized
You've always had my back every day
It doesn't matter how close or how far
Life is brutal, but I can get through it all
Thanks to the kind of Brother You Are
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This was written for my older brother, Chris. I'm considering framing it and giving it to him for Christmas. Any suggestions???
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 7 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Brother You Are" captures the bond between siblings and the speaker's appreciation for their brother's support and care. The imagery and emotions conveyed in the poem are heartfelt and relatable.
One suggestion for improvement is to consider varying the rhyme scheme and meter throughout the poem. Currently, the poem follows a consistent AABB rhyme scheme and a mostly consistent meter. Exploring different rhyme patterns and meters could add more musicality and depth to the poem.
Additionally, the poem could benefit from more specific and vivid language. For example, instead of using general terms like "difficult situation" and "happiness and strife," consider incorporating more concrete details or specific examples to create a stronger impact on the reader.
Finally, it would be helpful to expand on the speaker's personal experiences and interactions with their brother. Sharing specific anecdotes or memories could further enhance the emotional connection and make the poem more engaging.
Overall, "Brother You Are" is a heartfelt tribute to the speaker's brother
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
1 year 7 months ago
Brother You Are
Aw...lovely! What a perfect gift! Merry Christmas to Chris...and you!
L
Shelby Pryor
1 year 7 months ago
Lavender
Thank you so much!!! Merry Christmas!