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Dec 01, 2023
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Nature calls
The beaked feathers of symphony filled
the air. Strings of lights came down to stare
The bone finger branches filled no spaces
The wheel of tangerine orange fire burst
Above the eternal punching velvet sky
The sea of swaying mixed flowers
Swayed like a chorus of children
Singing together. An aroma of
Of blueberry and lemon silk grass
A stream silver sheen glistening
a trinklet quiet sound making
zen tranquility just listening
Obeying the trout fish swishing
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I welcome criticism!
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 7 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
It is not feasible to offer feedback.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
RoseBlack
1 year 7 months ago
I like this
All the sounds, feels and images of nature at work. The second stanza appears to be intentionally short..but maybe add a couple more lines for consistency. Your structure is improving. Maybe work on where you leave off and start new sentences so they don't sound choppy. All in all...well done.