Eduardo Cruz

Apr 19, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Three Drops in the River

Sitting on the bank
As life goes flowing by
In the direction of the sea
Each drop striking
Someone's passing dream

The rivers babblings
are the stories
Of lost dreams
no longer seen

On a fallen tree I sit
As three drops
Roll down my cheek
Releasing pain
that cannot be contained

rolling down my chin
Dropping upon the bank
Without the slightest splash
Slowly finding their way
Across the soil into the flow

Replaced are dreams
Of when young
With aged found logic
Of things I can achieve

Reaching down
I splash my face
With the waters of my new
Found grace

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Still working on this one, any suggestion will be appreciated

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York City, N.Y. Spanish Harlem, USA

Favorite Poets: P. Neruda, Jose de Diego, E. Dickenson, R. Frost, there are many more, but these had the greatest influence...

Comments

scribbler

14 years 3 months ago

howdy

I enjoyed the comparison of a river with passing time. I think I found Some typos :
L-5 someone's I think?
L-8 I think you mean Lost
L-14 contained
a few ideas also
L-17 try "without"
5th stanza has right words and thoughts, but may need to be rearranged to help clarity. Or could be my brain which needs rearranging lol. Regardless of all a very intriguing write................stan

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 3 months ago

Stan

I'm still working on this write, but I do appreciate the help.

scribbler

14 years 3 months ago

hi

Do we ever truly "finish" a poem? lol............stan

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 3 months ago

Stan

for me the answer is never. words seem to constanly intrude on what is already wrtten

scribbler

14 years 3 months ago

yep

2 weeks ago I did an edit on 1st. poem I posted here. Birds of a feather................

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 3 months ago

Stan

respect to you and like thoughts.

CCfire

14 years 3 months ago

Hey Eddie I quite like this,

Hey Eddie I quite like this, I think the line 'that would not be contained' seems long and intrusive and would work better as that cannot be contained' and perhaps the lost dreams no longer seen instead of using 'that' in the beginning of the line.

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 3 months ago

Chez

Thanks, It's a good point yes it's much better that way.

if you get a chance read the Blog "A joke, True Story"

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 3 months ago

Rosi

thanks for the read, and the fab.