lou

Apr 20, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Communicate to Eviscerate

Words stripping nerves like a blade to a sapling,
destruction of the delicate ear drumb,
and violation of the brain cells.

Syllables assault the senses,
scorching empathy,
and striking me down.

Verbs, Adverbs, phrases and terms
scratching at the soul,
Ripping and stretching.

A withering glance says
more than mere language,
it burns me to the core.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West London, GBR

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda , Jack Kerouac, Alan Ginsberg, D.H Lawrence, Jim Morrison's lyrics,

Comments

lou

14 years 3 months ago

Shirl

the idea was that I wanted to use words that had sounds that I enjoy.

Thanks

Love Lou

mand

14 years 3 months ago

I always migrate to your poems Lou

I to had to go to the dictionary!

Love these words:-

"Words stripping nerves like a blade to a sapling",

My friend had a problem with the nerves in her face ( neuralgia ) , her pain was called suicide pain. Words can cause extreme pain. Metaphorically like a blade to a sapling, cutting and slicing into soft tissues, as it were.

Great imagery,

Thanks for sharing Lou.

Love Mand xxxxxxx

lou

14 years 3 months ago

Mand

Thanks, maybe I should get rid of the big words, I think they are getting in the way.

Lou

mand

14 years 3 months ago

Na!

It's great as it is - a little bit of work is good for us, besides the big words are powerful.

Love Mand xxxxxx

lou

14 years 3 months ago

Lol

I have already taken them out, I'll try and come up with more suitable replacements.

Love Lou

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 3 months ago

Love it Lou:-)

I very much enjoyed your word usage and particularly the word eviscerate in the title.Great post Lou:-)

lou

14 years 3 months ago

KZ

Thank you, I'm glad that you enjoyed it.

Lou

ziggy

14 years 2 months ago

hi louise

what a read with great imagery and word usage
a little different I feel but well constructed as I see it
"Words stripping nerves like a blade to a sapling,
destruction of the delicate ear drumb,
and violation of the brain cells.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,v good opening lines ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

lou

14 years 2 months ago

Hey Zigs

Thank you, I'm glad that you enjoyed this one.

Love Louise xx

themoonman

14 years 2 months ago

Hi Lou

I like the title to this, especially if your intention of the
word "eviscerate" is the second meaning (in Webster's)
"to disembowel or deprive of vital content or force"
great word huh.

A couple of suggestions, eardrum is one word,
and I felt the transition from "words" to the "look"
could have been smoother and more affective if
you were to somehow convey that all those words
are not needed "when" that cutting look can do it
so succesfully, just one old man's thoughts

perhaps the title would be more grammatically correct
it were "communicating to eviscerate", describing the
action ... but either way, I have to say I liked it.

thanks for posting

Richard

lou

14 years 2 months ago

Hi

Thanks Richard.

Lou