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Jan 07, 2024
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MIDNIGHT LIGHT DEMON
Pressing my muddy leather boot down to the chipped
chrome scuffed pedal. Free hanging Tendrals over toes
Wheels screeching like screaming banshees searching
For lost Souls
hot fucking fireballs of light cylinder wheels
smoking to a rock 80s symphony. A kiss ass dead track
and matching break neck speed that can't be tracked
bouncing rattling tin sheet molten metal rack
rebounding off the square shell shack,
ears pinned to dance with the dead track. Ball of glow
White in the sky behind a curtain
of raven black, that's Observing my fire bird tearing
down the runaway track a hot metal shuttle
a maverick rocket of fire light at midnight
Freckled stars winking at the moonlight
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Blah rough
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 6 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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Jokerface82
1 year 6 months ago
Roughhhhh
Roughhhhh
RoseBlack
1 year 6 months ago
So it's either
A really hot truck or muscle car! I can feel the power behind it, hear the loud pipes as it roars by. I can hear the music blasting! Really good descriptive language and use of the emotions felt when behind the wheel. As always, structural and punctuation improvements but I know you are always a work in progress.
Jokerface82
1 year 6 months ago
Thank you
Yeah I ragging the fck out of the car blasting guitars from my system out in a Deserted road. I used the term firebird also a model is called a firebird but I wanted the impression I'm going that fast my vehicle is burning
RoseBlack
1 year 6 months ago
Firebirds
Are my favorite muscle car. Driving fast with the radio blasting is always a good time.
Jokerface82
1 year 6 months ago
Also what's cool is
Like a rock concert you got the smoke to go with it from the burning of the wheels ripping up the tarmac booting it down a freeway !