01/24 Leaving on a Train

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TRIP OF LIBERTY

Salmon pink chewed gum stuck to pvc floors
stuck to timeworn seats and graphite sprayed,
sprayed by an undeveloped child. But unlike

that pallid gum he was free. And just like that
spritz it will be washed away a new memory
a freedom moving forward and not backwards.

The water vapour and finger print hazey windows
and an odour of diesel a hiss of a deadly rattle snake
and a screech caused by slipping wheels is a sound of
travel and wonder

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft