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L
leoferaco
Jan 23, 2024 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 01/21/24 to 01/27/24

(Read More...)

good man

teach me to be a good man
take me to your childhood home
show me around the room where you wept
your mother hasn’t touched it since you left

what i would give to have known you then

About This Poem

Last Few Words: little baby poem i hope to add to

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Ontario

Favorite Poets: charles bokowski, sylvia plath , savannah brown, allen ginsberg

More from this author

Comments

Lavender

Lavender

1 year 5 months ago

good man

Hi, Leo,
I can imagine so many scenarios, here, but all of them are compassionate and tender. My guess is, there are a few heartaches within. Wonderful title. Not certain that you really need to add more, its mood lends so much emotion. But eager to read, if you do.
Thank you,
L
(I believe I see an extra "it" in there - mother hasn't touched it...)

L

leoferaco

1 year 5 months ago

Hi Lavender,

Thank you for the read. I'm glad to hear you believe it stands well as it is. I thought so as well but I have a hard time knowing when a poem is finished so I appreciate the help!

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

1 year 4 months ago

good poem, Leo,

but I kind of tripped over this line: "your mother hasn’t it touched it since you left" did you mean to write it this way?

*hugs, Cat

L

leoferaco

1 year 4 months ago

Hello Cat,

Hello Cat,

Thank you. What about this line was difficult to read? do you think it would sound better as "Your mother hadn't touched it since you left"? or is it too wordy? I can adjust it with your help!

Leo