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Apr 22, 2011
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Poem and Haiku by my grand child 11yrs old
By Isabelle Pacis 11yrs old
The State of Pain
Have you ever felt
The feeling of being scolded
As if you were a child
the pain, you used to get
When something tragic
Happens
That feeling you get
When you’re left out
Crying your eyes out
All alone and you can’t
Take the pain
You lose all hope
Of getting back
To your
Positive state of mind
The feeling you get
When bullied
The blood spewing out
Of your mouth
The stinging sensation
In your body created
By the physical state
Of pain
All of these
Are examples of pain
Unfortunately
People go through these
Everyday
The state of pain
Is not a happy feeling
Not even the evilest
Villain
Can take these pains
-------------------------------------------------
Haiku
Life is like nature
Turning like the four seasons
Working night and day
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Some here, have read a poem she wrote on the old site in 2009 when she was still 8yrs old she has come a long way, and I am so proud of her.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
CCfire
14 years 3 months ago
Wow
I am always stunned and amazed how much talent some children have, this is really good and I hope she doesn't give up writing. You would be justifiably proud of her skills and effort. I'd give it A+
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 3 months ago
Chez
Hello, this is Isabelle Pacis, Eddie's grandaughter. I wanted to thank you for your comment, I will try as hard as I can. And I promise I won't give up writing. You're awesome! :D
CCfire
14 years 3 months ago
Hello Isabelle
It's very nice to meet you, and I wish I had been as serious with my writing at your age and as good. I certainly hope your grandpa will let us read more of you and we get to see you progress. And thank you for such a lovely compliment it made my Easter Saturday all the more enjoyable. :)
magics02
14 years 3 months ago
Isabelle
This is just wonderful. Blessings to this young new poet here. I am in tune as I go through the pain at this present time in my life. What an intellectual writer and then the nature Haiku..sigh..
Speechless....
Nice to meet you Isabelle
Have you ever heard of Rhema Marvanne. You must go and listen to her music. She is I believe 9 now and she sings like you write.. Truly a blessing of a little gal just like yourself
Keep on writing and your Grandfather is with you all the way I am sure of that..
Blessings
Mona Magics
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 3 months ago
Mona
I'll let her know of your comment so she can reply herself thank you for the in couragement.
raj
14 years 2 months ago
Eddie...give a pat on the
Eddie...give a pat on the back to young Isabelle..she has the vision of a poet ..i liked her Haiku even more...
God Bless!
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 2 months ago
raj
I thank you, next time I see her I'll have her thank you hersef.
Read the other I posted for her " another poem by my grandaughter"