Alley cat affair!

Hes got that strut,
whiskers and a hat
showin' what hes got
that alley cat.
Feelin' kind of pesky
with his tail held high.
Movin' with the rythym
through a moonlit night.
The gaelic gal,
crept up from behind.
O'malley was befrazzled
it was whoopin' time.
She waved her tail
as he began to wail!
Caught him unawares
with his dungarees down.
There was no way now,
to control his passion.
It was over and done
in lightning like fashion.
When the sun came up,
she had vanished with the dawn
O'Malley lay toasted
on the cemetary lawn!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Tis what it is. I did my best. Thanks to Neo for the suggestions.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Ogden, Utah, USA

Favorite Poets: Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, Sting, Eric Bloom , and all of the poets at neo.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

neopoet

1 year 4 months ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Alley cat affair!" employs a narrative style to depict a whimsical and somewhat humorous tale of two cats. The use of casual language and rhyming couplets gives the poem a lighthearted tone, which complements the subject matter.

The poem could benefit from a more consistent meter to enhance the rhythm. For example, the line "She had caught him unawares" disrupts the rhythm established in the previous stanzas. A revision could be "Caught him unawares," which maintains the rhythm and doesn't lose the meaning.

The poem also uses a mix of colloquial and formal language ("dungarees down" vs "sultry and refined"). While this can add to the humor, it may also confuse the tone. A more consistent language choice could strengthen the overall voice of the poem.

The narrative could be enhanced with more vivid, sensory descriptions. For instance, instead of "She was long gone," consider something like "She had vanished with the dawn," which adds a visual element and maintains the rhyme scheme.

Lastly, the poem might benefit from a more defined ending. The current ending leaves the reader with an image of O'Malley, but it doesn't provide a clear resolution or takeaway. A final stanza that ties back to the beginning or offers a new insight could provide a more satisfying conclusion.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Leslie

1 year 4 months ago

Neo

I felt that Neos analysis was accurate and helpful. Thanks.

Alex Tanner

1 year 4 months ago

Hello

I think the ending leaves no one in any doubt as to what has passed, A few tweaks here and there would not come amiss but overall I found this a whimsical piece in contrast to the doom and gloom of so many submissions. More like it please. Alex

Leslie

1 year 4 months ago

Mr. Tanner

This was a follow-up from my previous entry. Thank you for consideration in reading it. It really isn't much when I compare
it to the other poetry written here. In any event, thank you.

hippiemoon

1 year 4 months ago

Hello

This is an amazing poem!! Was it meant to remind me of the Aristocats? Look forward to reading more of your work!

-hippiemoon

Leslie

1 year 4 months ago

Hippiemoon...

either that or puss in boots. I'm glad you liked it!

Lavender

1 year 4 months ago

Alley Cat Affair

Hello, Leslie,
I really enjoyed this! I like the other version, too, but this account gives so much more detail to your rascally characters. Clever title!
L