Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

MK
Michael Keens
May 05, 2024 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the challenge:

05/24 Locked In Basement

(Read More...)

Locked In a Basement

No idea how this happened

I’m completely in the dark…

Stay calm and don’t get maddened

This basement’s pretty stark

Must come up with something

I need a lightbulb moment

Desperate times, at straws I’m clutching

No vision and the scent here’s potent

I now empathise with blind men

Albeit for just one day

I'm feeling like a caveman

Without wall drawings on display

Thirsty like a duck out of water

And hungry like a whale

Alone like a lamb to the slaughter

But I was freed to tell the tale

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Hants

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

1 year 1 month ago

Hello M.Keen

Nice to read you.
Seems to be a bad experience. I would have liked to know how you've been locked in that basement.
I could feel all the depression you went through if that is a true experience.
Thank you for sharing

paleoray

paleoray

1 year 1 month ago

A fun little poem - glad you escaped

I liked the way you describe different fear and anxiety imagery that runs through your head while being locked and trapped in a basement. This seems to be the main emphasis of your piece. Your caveman imagery is my favorite. I’m not sure if I have heard of the simile as thirsty as a duck out of water before. Did you possibly mean as thirsty as a fish out of water? Anyway…nice job.

M

Michael Keens

1 year 1 month ago

' I’m not sure if I have

' I’m not sure if I have heard of the simile as thirsty as a duck out of water before. Did you possibly mean as thirsty as a fish out of water? Anyway…nice job'

Ha no it was deliberate. I wanted to combine duck out of water (feeling uncomfortable) with being thirsty with said duck not having access to water which led onto wales having huge appetites so sticking to an aquatic theme. I can't see any reason to not alter the known quotes for the sake of writing but maybe it is a bit confusing.

Thanks for the feedback.

T

Tawny023

1 year 1 month ago

I liked this poem and

I liked this poem and definitely longed to know how you were in the basement and you were freed, which is not a bad thing. The anxiousness in the middle of the experience was on full display. The imagery and phrases made me feel like I was holding a flashlight then cutting it off then turning it back on just to see how wild it would be to experience totally darkness in a dank basement.