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Delights

Closing my eyes and concentrating in
Feeling the wonderful chills on my skin.
The tingling sensation that covers my outside
is like fire burning on the in.

Much like the brush of your skin,
leaving all my nerves on end.
Just the gentle touch lingers for hours
never wanting to end.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: It needs work. & It certainly isn't done. Help, please, guys? xo

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Florida, ZZC

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, Shakespeare, Homer.

More from this author

Comments

Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 2 months ago

I know this feeling well...

Very beautiful the rememberance of metal satisfaction, when thinking of the pleasures that were left within.
Right now I am 3000 miles from my lady, but you have descripted my thoughts, when i am alone and think of her.
I am not sure if anything needs to be changed. it's pretty much on point in its descriptive write
Bravo!

M

magics02

14 years 2 months ago

Anc!!

Glad to see you back, Missed you and also nice work here.

Love,Mona

S

scribbler

14 years 2 months ago

hello

Good to see you back. I will assume you mean this to be free verse. I don't know how much help it will be, but here is an alternative you can pick and choose from or even choose to discard lol. A lot of the changes are done in attempt to decrease the number of lines which end in the same word :

With closed eyes I concentrate upon
feeling the chills racing on my skin
the tingling sensation on my outside
matches the fire you light within

Much like the brush of your skin
leaves all my nerves on end
such gentle touch lingers for hours
seeking to never end
.....I hope this scratching by an inexperienced free verse writer is of help, and please understand that I will take no offense if none of these ideas are used................scribbler PS just realized that my rewrite could also be taken as in classic form lol

ANC1996

ANC1996

14 years 1 month ago

(:

Thanks guys. ! and Scribbler, thanks for the help(: