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Sailing while Sailing
Oh, look! My kite is flying high
A flag of freedom in the sky
A brave explorer sailing where
No other soul would dare to fare
I wonder, can it see me here
from heights of virgin stratosphere
I think perhaps I look so small
I'm barely visible at all
upon the sea, a dot of white
a fleck of paint to a flying kite
Oh, soaring kite, I hold your will
I'm happy, yet, I'm saddened, still
That I should keep you tethered so
I wonder should I let you go
...if so, in days, our tiny boat
might pass you by, a-sea, afloat
...if no, then soon, your freedom's lost
and parity will bear the cost
...this quandary of compromise
means either rule or friendship dies
I guess I'll let you take more string
while we are pondering this thing
About This Poem
Last Few Words: A simple piece stemming from a thought while entertaining myself...and perhaps my kite :)
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Lavender
1 year ago
Sailing While Sailing
Hello, Thomas,
I really enjoyed this. You have such a natural gift with meter and creative language. I love the personification, and like many things we think we own and hold on to - what's that saying? "If you love something, let it go...?" I believe someday the last thing seen will be the fading tail of the kite waving a grateful goodbye. A light and fun poem that tugged at my heart.
Thank you!
L
Triskelion
1 year ago
Thank you Lavender
Your comments are always inspiring. There is always something that holds us together. All it takes is one small decision between a balanced relationship and the individuals becoming memories.
All the best!
Thomas
Words Ablaze
1 year ago
You are good. This ticks a
You are good. This ticks a lot of boxes. The poem's got tell tales of the classical greats in there. It's that good.
Triskelion
1 year ago
Hi Words Ablaze..
...and thanks for reading and especially for commenting. Rhyming poetry is by far my "go to" form, even if it's a little corny...but as long as there's a message behind it, I'm good with it. Thanks again!
Cheers!
Thomas
Words Ablaze
1 year ago
I agree... A message is good,
I agree... A message is good, communicating it in the most dramatic way you can makes it great, add some rhyme to all of it, what you have there now is gold, poetry. Thank you for the verses.