Triskelion

Jul 18, 2024 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

An Inspired Limerick

It's scary how sexting's a craze
it's different, how genX was raised
I propose STD's
won't affect many Z's
but the B's will precede the genA's

Version II

It's scary how sexting's a craze
so inane from how genX was raised
I expect STD's
won't affect many Z's
but the B's will precede the genA's!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Just a little fun inspired by the contest, not for the contest. I imagine a Freudian voice reciting this one. Thanks for reading! Edit...Found a new word that might satisfy Rula's point. Cheers!

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Lake Simcoe Canada

Favorite Poets: Poe, Frost, E.B. Browning, Theodor Seuss Geisel,

Comments

Candlewitch

1 year ago

LOL

Very clever! I like it.

*Cat

p.s.
because of your influence, I have as of lately, been writing poetry in verse, rather than free verse. thank you!

Triskelion

1 year ago

Hi Cat!

...glad you liked it. I do love limericks, but especially if they collide with certain qualities. I think I got lucky on this one, so posted it.
I can think of no better place than Neopoet to practice and develop structured poems. Many sites don't have much in the way of support and usually ignore or discourage it. I hope I can help you. Thank you for reading and leaving a comment!

Thomas

Rula

1 year ago

I like limericks too

I thought adding "from" to line 2 could smooth the rhythm
it's different (from) how genX was raised

Just this and much appreciation for sharing.

Triskelion

1 year ago

Hi Rula!

...and thanks for reading my limerick. I appreciate your comment regarding the flow in L2. I'm assuming flow means the same as metre here...As it is, it (arguably) has one more syllable than it should depending how you read the word "different". If read diff'rent, it meets the 8 syllable count of the first line. Adversely, it has 3 syllables, which is one more.
The addition of the word "from" would add another syllable again, and it appears to knock the line out of anapestic metre....(rambling again)
After reading your advice, I tried to find a workaround since the word "from" does seem to be missing grammatically, but trying to be politically correct, but I didn't find anything suitable. I did add a comma there to (I think) justify the context, though.
Suggestions are always welcome, of course. It's how we grow as a community.!

Cheers!
Thomas

Rula

1 year ago

Yeah

It's always about the syllable count, and the En/Am. Accent differences. I think that comma did the job.
Always happy to be helpful.

Triskelion

1 year ago

Okay...

...so I put another version of it up. Let me know which you prefer, and I'll trash the other one. Thanks for challenging me, Rula.

Thomas

Rula

1 year ago

Sir Thomas

If we are talking about the rhythm, I think the second version works perfectly, but please don't trash any. See what others have to say. I like both and won't sacrifice any.
I bow for your talent.

Lavender

1 year ago