From the Willows

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem presents a strong use of vivid and emotive language, creating a melancholic atmosphere that is felt throughout the piece. The metaphors used, such as "psychedelic sun" and "mummified angels with blood stained wings," are effective in conveying a sense of disillusionment and loss.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of imagery. For example, the first stanza introduces a sun and melting asphalt, then transitions to pinwheel hillsides and fireworks of memories. While these images are striking, they don't necessarily connect to each other in a clear or cohesive way.

The poem also seems to shift in tone and subject matter between the first and second stanzas. The first stanza appears to be a lament for lost youth and beauty, while the second stanza introduces a darker theme of poison and goodbyes. While it's not uncommon for a poem to explore multiple themes, the transition between these two stanzas could be smoother.

Finally, the last line, "a colorful young garden," is a beautiful and poignant metaphor. However, it might be more impactful if it were more clearly connected to the rest of the poem. As it stands, it feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding lines.

Overall, this poem demonstrates a strong command of language and a keen eye for evocative imagery. With some refinement, it could be even more powerful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I get that this is a psychedelic view of a background that I would not even try to explain.
Delete the second poison, you don't need it.
Instead use, "you shared the poison that became our good-byes."

The advice here-in is yours to use or abuse. ~ Geez.
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I have read this poem a couple of times. Then I took a break and listened to some Bonnie Tyler music to think about what I had read. Back now, I find separation, loss and regret. my favorite lines are:

We gazed at the psychedelic sun
blazing an undefined path on melting asphalt
the soles of our naked feet could not feel
as our pinwheel hillsides had become barren
except for the fireworks of memories
or the beauty of our youth.

my favorite lines, because they remind me of the courtship with my first husband. It felt magical to me. thank you for the restoration of my memories.

*hug, Cat

I really like this. Great use of language to describe what seems to be an affair gone badly. Well done.

on your win! Nicely done. ~ Geez.
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Congratulations on your win. It is well deserved.

*hugs, Cat

Hi Mark. I enjoyed this immensely. It made me go back to one of my favourite poems. Swinburne's 'Forsaken Garden'. A worthy winner. Alex