Brave Battles

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Brave Battles" presents a powerful message of resilience and support for those struggling with personal battles. The use of metaphor and imagery is effective in conveying this message. However, there are areas that could be improved for clarity and impact.

The first stanza is compelling, but the phrase "Jump out of the page" could be reworded to better fit the overall tone of the poem. The current phrasing is somewhat casual and could be replaced with a more evocative description of how the words affect the reader.

In the second stanza, the phrase "You all are not alone" breaks the rhythm of the poem. Consider revising this line to maintain the poem's flow.

The third stanza introduces a new metaphor with the pen sedating pain. This is a strong image, but it could be developed further to better connect with the rest of the poem.

The fourth stanza is effective in its acknowledgment of unseen battles. However, the phrase "I salute you for the battles" could be reworded for more impact. Perhaps consider a more vivid depiction of the speaker's respect and admiration for these individuals.

The fifth stanza introduces the metaphor of soldiers without weapons. This is a powerful image, but it could be expanded upon to better illustrate the struggle and resilience of these individuals.

The sixth and seventh stanzas introduce the metaphor of words as guiding stars and a supportive friend. These are beautiful images, but they could be more effectively integrated into the poem. Consider revising these stanzas to better connect these metaphors with the rest of the poem.

Finally, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. This would enhance the reading experience and make the poem more memorable.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I think that with a few edits, this is a really good piece.

I will give them to you as I see them, you should do with them as you like.

Jump [from] the page.

That grabbed hold of you. delete the [a]

You are not alone. delete the [all]

That calls your heart
Its' new obession. delete the s from heart. [The next lines tell that you are speaking to multiple persons.]

They [have] reached the ledge.

Capitalize the [I], in fear tells you that you won't make it.

Get rid of the word [doesn't] and restucture the line.

A friend that only shows themselves on sunny days.

As always, the critique is yours to use or not.
~ Geez.
.

Hi Paul, I really liked this poem but my favourite lines,

Only words that
Jump from the page
And hold you till
Every tear is dried

Were very touching. Ruby :) xx

I really admire this poem, and your writing skills. my favorite lines are:

I wish my pen could
Sedate the pain
That calls your heart
It’s new obsession

I agree with Gee's suggestions.
*hugs, Cat