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Aug 07, 2024
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A Poem, Rising
It begins with a gasp,
like the first time you see
a jeweled Indigo Bunting bathing
in the sun.
Brilliance.
It sings amid Parnassian hues,
fluttering about the garden,
absorbing the moments, the seconds
passing in time -
a fallen tear,
a dusty vase,
the shallow light in an empty room.
And there it scatters itself
like warm, welcoming effervescence,
its words falling onto waiting pages,
its poetic gems shining deeper,
then rising like wings into the bluest sky.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Candlewitch
10 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Lavender,
Only you could have described it...
It sings amid Parnassian hues,
fluttering about the garden,
absorbing the moments, the seconds
passing in time -
*hugs, Cat
Lavender
10 months 3 weeks ago
Hello, Cat,
Thank you for reading this! Some poetry simply rises all on its own.
I appreciate you!
L
Geezer
10 months 3 weeks ago
I think...
The arrangment of the 3-4 lines should be...
It begins with a gasp,
like the first time you see
a jeweled Indigo Bunting
bathing in the sun.
Brilliant.
How about:
its poetic gems shining brighter.
I find it difficult to see a gem shining deeper.
Clearly, you have experienced your share of joy and grief.
I saw the empty, dusty vase, half hidden in the shallow light.
But the poem rises...
Very nice, ~ Geez.
.
Lavender
10 months 3 weeks ago
Hello, Geezer!
You have given me some good food for thought which I will consider! Brilliance is actually supposed to be a noun, another name for the occurrence happening. But I'll think over that suggestion. Also, deeper was intentional, too. I was hoping not so much a visual image, but more of an emotional reaction - a sense of joy, maybe? But I'll put some thought into that line, too!
Thank you for your help with this. I appreciate it!
L
Rula
10 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Lavender
You know what I want to say about this one for sure
I wish I have written this one. It has Lavender's print's to it and you must know I have really enjoyed reading it.
Exquisite writing.
Lavender
10 months 2 weeks ago
Hello, Rula!
These feelings are special to me, as I know they are to you and all the poets here.
Thank you so much for reading!
L
Rula
10 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Lavender
.
Leslie
10 months 2 weeks ago
L
Beautifully written, I love your enjoyment of birds. I only wish I had something to share that was so positive.
Lavender
10 months 2 weeks ago
Hello, Leslie,
Poetry is such a lovely way to relax in something positive, for me. Birds, too! It's hard not to be inspired by a florescent, majestic Indigo Bunting! :)
Thank you!
L