Heavenly Connection

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses the metaphor of a telephone call to express longing and grief. The conversational tone and the use of everyday language make the emotions feel immediate and relatable.

However, the poem could benefit from a more careful use of rhythm and line breaks. For instance, the line "I’ll pay all the fees" disrupts the rhythm established in the first two lines. This could be revised to something like "I'll pay any fee," which maintains the rhythm and also strengthens the sense of desperation.

The poem also tends to tell rather than show emotions. For example, "I can’t just stare at pictures, / I need a little bit more" tells the reader about the speaker's feelings rather than showing them. This could be revised to something like "Pictures gather dust, / Their smiles frozen, silent," which conveys the same idea but in a more vivid and emotive way.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more focused narrative. The speaker's questions about dinner and homework seem to suggest that they are grieving a spouse, but this is not clear. Making the relationship between the speaker and the person they are grieving more explicit could make the poem more powerful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Another wonderful and beautiful poem, I deem to be about spiritual connections and longing for a better world!

I thought this great,
A cliched "WOW" is appropriate !

Obi.