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Clentin
Clentin
Sep 15, 2024 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the contest:

Nepoet Weekly 09/15/24 to 09/21/24

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Life, The Last Stages

Life

Life passes so quickly
And pushes us into the last stages
Where we begin to forget names
Cannot find our keys and ask
Ourselves what day it is!

Our patience runs short
Anxiety becomes commonplace
Words often spill from our lips
That show the loss of the filter
That once kept our thoughts in place

Our bodies are old and filled with pain
Many of our friends are here no longer
Our children are older filled with needs of family
Days are long and often boring
Depression fills our minds and our souls

Life also shows us the beauty of family
The successes of our children
The beauty of our grandchildren
The thankfulness of our loving spouse
The firm hope that there is life after death

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA Pennsylvania, USA

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Comments

neopoet

neopoet

9 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively explores the theme of aging and the passage of life, using vivid imagery and emotional language to convey the experiences and feelings associated with growing older. The structure of the poem, with its clear progression from the challenges of aging to the consolations found in family and hope, contributes to its overall impact.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved. Firstly, the poem could benefit from more specific and concrete imagery. For example, instead of saying "Our bodies are old and filled with pain," the poem could describe specific physical sensations or experiences that convey this idea. This would make the poem more engaging and relatable to readers.

Secondly, the poem's rhythm and meter could be more consistent. The irregular line lengths and rhythms can make the poem feel disjointed and can disrupt the flow of the reading. Experimenting with different poetic forms or structures might help to address this issue.

Finally, the poem's language could be more varied and complex. While the straightforward language contributes to the poem's directness and emotional honesty, incorporating more varied vocabulary and more complex sentence structures could make the poem more interesting and engaging to read.

In summary, this poem effectively explores its theme and uses emotional language to convey its ideas, but could be improved by incorporating more specific imagery, more consistent rhythm and meter, and more varied and complex language.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Rula

Rula

9 months 1 week ago

Hello Clentin

An evocative read. Life is hard if not with some memorable stages. Those the lift our spirits and keep the motivation to go on .
Thank you for sharing.
Ps. Stanza 3 line 2 , you need to drop one (our

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

9 months 1 week ago

dear Clentin,

I totally agree with this poem on ageing. my favorite lines are:

Our patience runs short
Anxiety becomes commonplace
Words often spill from our lips
That show the loss of the filter
That once kept our thoughts in place

Steven and I have no human family members left. We have each other and the love of our cats and friends. and neopoet!

great poem! *hugs, Cat