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Sep 30, 2024
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Death Camp: Auschwitz
Driven from their ancestral homes,
tattoo, from guns enforced.
Spilling over, into the night,
in their minds, confusion coursed.
Stripped of dignity and clothing
belongings sorted in piles.
Lastly, vile claiming of lies
most emphatic denials.
Jewish populous on the streets
sent to death camps without hope.
Shaven heads were compulsory
disinfectant served as soap!
Many to chambers spraying Gas
or fed to massive fire pits,
which coughed up mortal residue
from this horrid, German Blitz!
streets fouled with human remains
oven exhausts pumping ash,
as Jews were herded like cattle
treated much like human trash.
Ashes float on air currents,
drifting down like flakes of snow.
Lands on all things of a clear night
bright lights of Auschwitz aglow!
Say a prayer for those who died
for the crime of being born.
Old, weak, children in their beds
it is not too late to mourn...
About This Poem
Last Few Words: notepad: More Styx
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
9 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem is a powerful depiction of the horrors of Auschwitz and the Holocaust. Its use of vivid, gruesome imagery serves to underscore the atrocities committed and the inhumanity of the situation. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.
1. Consistency in Rhyme Scheme: The poem seems to follow an ABAB rhyme scheme in the first two stanzas but deviates from this in the following stanzas. Maintaining a consistent rhyme scheme can help to create a rhythm and flow that makes the poem more engaging and easier to read.
2. Punctuation: The poem lacks consistent punctuation. For example, some lines end with a comma, others with a period, and some with no punctuation at all. Consistent punctuation can help to guide the reader through the poem and clarify the intended pauses and breaks in the rhythm.
3. Word Choice: Some of the language used in the poem, such as "vile claiming of lies" and "oven exhausts pumping ash," is somewhat vague or unclear. More precise and descriptive language could help to create a more vivid and impactful image in the reader's mind.
4. Theme and Message: While the poem effectively communicates the horror of Auschwitz, it could benefit from a clearer thematic focus or message. This could be achieved by exploring a specific aspect of the Holocaust or by conveying a particular perspective or emotional response to the events described.
5. Meter: The poem's meter is inconsistent, which can disrupt the rhythm and flow. Adjusting the syllable count and stress patterns in each line to create a more consistent meter could improve the poem's readability and impact.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
9 months ago
Nice editing...
Good work. ~ Geez.
.
Candlewitch
9 months ago
Dear Geez,
thank you and remember I am always fine with suggestions.
*hugs, Cat x
Leslie
9 months ago
Cat
You are right, it is never too late to mourn!
Candlewitch
9 months ago
Thank you
my friend! I hope you know, I am always grateful for your input on my poems!
many hugs, Cat
Jokerface82
9 months ago
Very good cat
I noticed you have been editing this one alot, I enjoyed it, its written well even though it's a sad narrative.
Candlewitch
9 months ago
Dear Jokerface,
Thank you for reading my poem. I am mad, to get it right, lol! i did not realize what a huge project it would be when I started it! I appreciate your comment, again, thank you!
*Hugs, crazy Cat
Geezer
9 months ago
I am soooo...
proud of the way you have taken on this project and made it such great a poem. It turned out to be a great poem, both for the content/history lesson, and the caliber of work you have turned out. ~ Geez.
.
Candlewitch
9 months ago
So glad to know,
that my hours of research paid off! Thanks, Geez, it is great to feel appreciated!!!
* big hugs, Cat
Rula
8 months 4 weeks ago
Dear Cat
I'm not a big fan of historical poetry (especially when it's related to jews), but you should know that I applaud your efforts and talent to write about different themes.
As always, thank you dear for sharing.
Candlewitch
8 months 4 weeks ago
Dearest Rula,
I am really thankful for your comment, despite your personal views. I appreciate you!
many hugs, Cat