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Oct 05, 2024
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Ruthenium Silver
Ruthenium Silver glinting chips
slips into the dreamscape lapping
body
they slowly breakaway from the
silky waves timidly. Like a melting robe over
smooth humps on a woman's chest.
Romantically an island of bounty
paradise
with strokes of a waxy endless
sky
Chalky powder white sands, table with
two hourglass figures, and sugar lips
that stick, ready to be tasted, as the necks
Of wild green palms watch on.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
8 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem, titled "Ruthenium Silver," employs vivid and sensual imagery to create a dream-like atmosphere. The use of metaphors and similes, such as "Like a melting robe over smooth humps on a woman's chest," adds a layer of depth and complexity to the poem. However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter to enhance its musicality and flow.
The poem's structure is somewhat fragmented, with lines of varying lengths and abrupt transitions between ideas. This may be intentional, to reflect the dream-like quality of the poem, but it could also make the poem difficult to follow for some readers. Consider using more consistent line lengths and smoother transitions to improve readability.
The poem's language is rich and evocative, but it could benefit from a more careful choice of words. For example, the phrase "waxy endless sky" is somewhat ambiguous and could be interpreted in different ways. Consider using more precise language to convey your intended meaning more clearly.
The poem's theme is not immediately clear, which may be intentional, to encourage multiple interpretations. However, it could also make the poem less accessible to some readers. Consider providing more context or clues to guide readers' interpretations.
Overall, this poem demonstrates a strong command of language and imagery, but it could benefit from improvements in rhythm, structure, language, and theme.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Leslie
8 months 3 weeks ago
Joker
I thought this poem was different for you your usuually so much darker. I loved it's sensual nature I hope you get the time to read Eledgy and comment if you would.
Jokerface82
8 months 3 weeks ago
Haha I like to expand
I like to grow, sure I will look him up !