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Oct 06, 2024
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I ran
My feet burned, almost black.
Bare footed I ran on that track.
No shoe could be found worthy enough that day.
On your mark, get set, go and like a wind I bolted away.
I did as I was told to stay in my lane and look ahead.
Although in the wilderness I was born and bred
This body of mine was etched in strength.
And now wreaked heavily of a heros scent.
But I ran that day, I ran.
It wasn't even for me but for my clan.
I was afraid to think of bronze or silver and God forbid I thought of that gold.
But I ran, yes I ran and my story to date is still untold.
I may not be special in anyone's eye.
Accept for the big man in the sky.
But I ran, yes I ran, silver clung to me and sadly not the gold.
That day , to me, hope was sold.
I ran, yes I ran, from nothing , toward everything.
As the anthem was about to play, I stood with hand on chest ready to sing.
I reminisced about that day, I ran,yes I ran.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
9 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "I ran" effectively captures the physical and emotional journey of the speaker as they participate in a race. The imagery of running barefoot on the track, the sense of determination and strength, and the internal conflict of aiming for victory while also acknowledging limitations are well portrayed. The repetition of "I ran, yes I ran" reinforces the central theme of perseverance and commitment.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the structure of the poem to create more impact and flow. Experimenting with stanza breaks, line lengths, or rhyme schemes could enhance the overall rhythm and engagement of the piece. Additionally, exploring deeper emotional nuances or adding specific sensory details could further enrich the reader's connection to the speaker's experience.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Leslie
9 months 2 weeks ago
Beverley
Welcome to neo I havn't met you yet, but I loved this enerjetic poem. I wish that I could run like that again your description of this race was awesome! I also read your profile and also loved your work for others. Isn't that what it's all about!
Candlewitch
9 months 2 weeks ago
Dear Beverly,
You wrote an expressive piece, and I enjoyed it. Thank you for this. Welcome to Neopoet poetry site, we are glad to have you here. I look forward to reading more of your poems, and critique of other's works!
*hugs, Cat
Beverley Claud…
9 months ago
Thank you so much. Your
Thank you so much. Your response is much appreciated.
Geezer
9 months 2 weeks ago
Hi Beverly...
I applaud your use of language here.
You manage to convey a pretty good image of what it feels like to run in a race.
My advice, is read, read, read. Read the poets you like best, see how they approach the problems of meter and context. I think you are a fast learner, and will
flourish here. Welcome to Neo. ~ Geezer.
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