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This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 10/6/24 TO 10/12/24

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Sin Hall Jive

A note wraps around the drums

Feed back is fed back,

Thrown back out amplified,

While cymbals swing like dove wings

Horns aim in every direction

Push the dancing to prancing

Eyes cross lost

Hold the whole note

Faces distort

Body of a viola becomes a body

Red, yellow and brown

Against a darkened backstage

Frayed bow rises again and again

With the screaming sin

Yellow, red and orange boots

Bending footpaths through wailing words

Tangerine and sushi spilled everywhere

Pizza slices melt on wood tabletops

Scrabble pieces scatter

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA the bay state, United Kingdom, Australia, South Africa, Nigeria, Canada, Europe, USA

Favorite Poets: Dylon, George Harrison, Leonard Cohen, Jess, Rett, Black Mountain Gang

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

8 months 3 weeks ago

Eeeehaaaawww! ...

Sorry, my first reaction, might have been a little extreme. I was in for the "ride". Yeah, been on a few that turned out like that.
I once saw a wall fall on a guy in the "disco" while he was dancing the funky chicken! Lmao. Time traveling here for sure. ~ Geez.
.

mark

mark

8 months 3 weeks ago

Thank you Geez

What do you think about stanzas? Or is it fine as is?
Later bro,
Mark

Geezer

Geezer

8 months 3 weeks ago

I think...

fine as it is, no need for stanzas. ~ Geez.
.

Alex Tanner

Alex Tanner

8 months 3 weeks ago

AH!Johanna

"Where these visions of Johanna have now taken my place". Nothing to do with your work ( i recognise a lot of it) but one of my favourite tracks. Alex

mark

mark

8 months 3 weeks ago

So many versions

I think I have them all Alex.
Thanks for stopping by,
Mark