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Oct 06, 2024
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Sin Hall Jive
A note wraps around the drums
Feed back is fed back,
Thrown back out amplified,
While cymbals swing like dove wings
Horns aim in every direction
Push the dancing to prancing
Eyes cross lost
Hold the whole note
Faces distort
Body of a viola becomes a body
Red, yellow and brown
Against a darkened backstage
Frayed bow rises again and again
With the screaming sin
Yellow, red and orange boots
Bending footpaths through wailing words
Tangerine and sushi spilled everywhere
Pizza slices melt on wood tabletops
Scrabble pieces scatter
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Geezer
8 months 3 weeks ago
Eeeehaaaawww! ...
Sorry, my first reaction, might have been a little extreme. I was in for the "ride". Yeah, been on a few that turned out like that.
I once saw a wall fall on a guy in the "disco" while he was dancing the funky chicken! Lmao. Time traveling here for sure. ~ Geez.
.
mark
8 months 3 weeks ago
Thank you Geez
What do you think about stanzas? Or is it fine as is?
Later bro,
Mark
Geezer
8 months 3 weeks ago
I think...
fine as it is, no need for stanzas. ~ Geez.
.
Alex Tanner
8 months 3 weeks ago
AH!Johanna
"Where these visions of Johanna have now taken my place". Nothing to do with your work ( i recognise a lot of it) but one of my favourite tracks. Alex
mark
8 months 3 weeks ago
So many versions
I think I have them all Alex.
Thanks for stopping by,
Mark