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Oct 10, 2024
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Fireside Confessions
Reclined on the Carpet, they lay
in each others arms, no hurry to move
undecided which was hotter,
body or mind, with nothing to reprove.
Hungry lips finding soft places
with shivering whispers discovering
secrets of the flesh so supple,
soft tender fingers seeking, hovering...
Honeyed secrets of love and lust
sharing the sweetest of forbidden talk
seeing the other in their eyes,
smiling, he lifted the hem of her frock.
Moonlight through the window shown bright ,
touching revealed areas of soft skin.
Kissing her pink shoulders, she swooned
swooping her up, it could not be a sin.
Love was there, no need to say it
with those candy coated words falling down.
Sweet talking in front of the fire
on the cake of their day, it was the crown!
.
.
.
(*meeting like this in stolen time,
"Splendor in the grass, glory in the flower "
as one, often fire did ignite
ending with wine and love plays finest hour.)
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Taking a contest break from my project. * written on Candlewitch notepad *Splendor In The Grass." by: William Wordsworth
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
9 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Fireside Confessions" is a vivid exploration of romantic intimacy. The use of descriptive language and imagery is effective in creating a sensual atmosphere. However, there are some areas that could be improved to enhance the overall quality of the poem.
1. Consistent Rhyme Scheme: The poem does not maintain a consistent rhyme scheme. The first stanza follows an ABAB pattern, but the subsequent stanzas do not. A consistent rhyme scheme can provide a sense of rhythm and structure to the poem, making it more engaging for the reader.
2. Punctuation: The poem lacks consistent punctuation, which can make it difficult to follow. Proper punctuation can help to clarify the meaning of each line and guide the reader through the poem.
3. Word Choice: Some phrases, such as "candy coated words falling down" and "on the cake of their day, it was the crown" are a bit unclear. More straightforward language might better convey the intended meaning.
4. The use of parentheses in the final stanza is a bit confusing. If the information is essential to the poem, it could be included without parentheses. If it is not, it might be better to remove it.
5. Meter: The poem does not maintain a consistent meter, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. A consistent meter can provide a rhythmic quality to the poem, making it more enjoyable to read.
6. The poem could benefit from more show and less tell. For example, instead of stating "Love was there, no need to say it", the poem could describe actions or details that demonstrate this love.
In conclusion, while the poem effectively uses descriptive language and imagery to create a sensual atmosphere, improvements could be made in terms of rhyme scheme, punctuation, word choice, use of parentheses, meter, and showing versus telling.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
9 months 1 week ago
Hi Cat...
I'll be back to critique this sometime tomorrow; it's been a hectic few days, but I promise I'll get to all of the work that I've missed.
~ Geez.
.
Candlewitch
9 months 1 week ago
Dear Geez,
I know how (busy) can be... when there are just not hours in the day! see you later. I have my covid and flu shots scheduled for this morning....how lucky can I get, Not!
many hugs, Cat
Lavender
8 months 3 weeks ago
Fireside Confessions
Hello, Cat,
Confessions of love with unspoken words, whether in a pastoral setting, or in front of a fire - very nice! I really like the references to Splendour in the Grass.
Thank you!
L
Candlewitch
8 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Lavender,
Thank you so very much for reading and responding to this poem, and noticing the reference ;)
it is much appreciated!
hugs, Cat xxx