Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Oct 11, 2024
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Kerouac Meditations
Kansas memories;
yellow brick roads existed
rising stars on rainbow raceways
nuclear jonquil blasts occurred
dots were loaded with micrograms
butterflies kissed the solar wind
paisley was not yet in.
Spin me a song,
awareness is out of here.
Telephones were not see through,
baby won’t call me.
Cupcakes covered with snow,
chocolate hearts put him on top,
you heard "all we are saying, is give peace a chance",
smiling face boom boxes and cassettes.
His way home, a rocket ship for his mind,
lunar crater pits turned made his place,
lollipops in our giant memory he kept.
Angels here were as there?
Slabs can be plain, unfulfilling on top,
Pens and pencils weathered, rotting.
Turf that surrounds his memory is laden with them,
granite, pink, memorial park this is not.
Typewriter components should rain
parts the size of fingertips.
Pictures need be taken
after it all falls down chaotic.
Lipstick painted posters with peace signs,
-there it is all left
-rain will come, wash it away.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: We were in a chat one night talking about Kerouac and I mentioned that his grave is just up the road from where I live. Someone said take a typewriter and burry it there and take pictures. Well, I may have been famous and in jail so I never did it, but wrote this poem instead. I did plant one of my pens at his slab like lots of other folks have. Got away with that. lol
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
8 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively employs a variety of imagery to create a vivid, dreamlike atmosphere. The references to cultural and historical elements, such as "yellow brick roads," "nuclear jonquil blasts," and "give peace a chance," contribute to a sense of nostalgia and longing. However, the meaning behind these references could be more clearly communicated to enhance the overall coherence of the poem.
The structure of the poem could also benefit from more consistency. The stanzas vary in length and the rhythm is somewhat irregular, which can make the poem feel disjointed. Establishing a more regular rhythm or pattern could help to guide the reader through the poem and reinforce its themes.
The line "Angels here were as there?" is somewhat ambiguous. It's unclear what is being compared or contrasted here, and this ambiguity may confuse readers. If this line is essential to the poem's meaning, consider revising it for clarity.
The final stanza introduces a new element, "rain will come, wash it away," which seems to suggest a theme of impermanence or renewal. This is an interesting idea, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the poem. If this is a key theme, consider weaving it more thoroughly throughout the poem to strengthen its impact.
Overall, this poem has a strong sense of imagery and nostalgia, but could benefit from clearer communication of its themes and a more consistent structure.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
mark
8 months 3 weeks ago
Thank you
Thanks AI,
Mark