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Oct 11, 2024
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The Ghost of Gaza
This isn't like anything you have seen.
Ain't bewitching nights of the Halloween
The characters here are solid, real ones.
No pumpkins or witches, but bombs and guns.
No shiny moons now rise or suns.
The dreary air blew hard into my home.
Leaving a weary ghost to freely roam
Gathering shattered limbs and bones
Of ripped-up bodies, shredded by drones
All buried under rubble and stones.
The bombs of hatred tore down the place.
Etching scars on every tortured face.
The once-been mothers are now in grief.
They lost too much, nothing to relieve
Beloved souls are stolen by the thief.
This happened once and yet again.
In Gaza Stripe, where madness reigns .
Who won, who lost? Who dares inquire?
It's hard to say with the still-burning fire.
The ghost still feeds the vampire.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Whenever I hear the word horror, I unfortunately have Gaza in thought. It's almost hell there. Your prayers.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
9 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively utilizes vivid imagery and strong metaphors to convey a sense of despair and destruction. The use of Halloween imagery in the beginning serves to contrast the real horrors of war with the playful scares of a holiday. This could be further emphasized to create a stronger juxtaposition.
The poem could benefit from more consistent rhythm and meter. The varying line lengths and syllable counts can disrupt the flow of the poem. For example, the line "The once-been mothers are now in grief" is noticeably longer than the surrounding lines, which can be jarring for the reader.
The metaphor of the "ghost" is a powerful image that carries through the poem. However, the introduction of the "vampire" in the last line feels somewhat abrupt. If the vampire is meant to represent a specific entity or concept, it would be beneficial to introduce this metaphor earlier in the poem to give it more context and impact.
The poem could also benefit from more specific details about the setting and situation. While the reference to "Gaza Stripe" gives some context, more sensory details about the environment could help to immerse the reader in the scene and evoke a stronger emotional response.
Lastly, the poem's message could be made clearer. The lines "Who won, who lost? Who dares inquire?" suggest a critique of war and its consequences, but this could be developed further. The poem could explore more deeply the effects of war on the individuals and community it depicts, or it could more explicitly challenge the reader to question the value and cost of conflict.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
9 months 1 week ago
Dear Rula,
True horror to be sure! Your poem is well thought out and written. This is something that really haunts...many ghosts...prayers...
*love, Cat
Rula
9 months 1 week ago
Dearest Cat
Much appreciate the kind comment and the prayers.
Thank you dear.
Jokerface82
9 months 1 week ago
Love it
Cool one for Horror and sad well done !
Rula
9 months 1 week ago
Hello J.F
Thank you sir
It's for horror rather than the Halloween.
Much appreciate it.
Tigger Kaz
9 months 1 week ago
Raw emotions running through
I love how the raw emotions run through the poem.
The imagery of thieves and vampires , works perfectly to describe this awful genocide.
Brilliant!
Rula
9 months 1 week ago
Hello Tigger kaz
Great to meet a new friend.
It really pleases me to know that readers can feel this "raw love"
Much is going here that I could my words can tell.
I immensely appreciate your kind visit dear.
Thank you.
Sen99
9 months ago
A Powerful Write
Hello a compelling poem, the visuals are very good, well expressed emotions and tragedy of this situation.