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Hallow light
bond once strong, now grows old
Deceit seeps in like winter's night
Leaving scars, and a hollow light
A month is all it took,
And yet I've fallen in the deep ends.
Never did I suspect that the rain
Would shower me with ice,
And thee with sand.
Losing hope is near the shrine.
In eyes that once held warmth and light,
A frost has settled, dark and tight.
The echoes of our laughter fade,
As trust, like autumn leaves, is laid
To wither, lost, and unreclaimed.
None to trust but a comrade,
None to accept advice from but a dear friend.
Shiver is foe, but deceit,
A friend of mine in mind laid.
Perfection I did not expect,
Compromising was on the finale and grand.
Yet, in shadows, truth awaits,
A silent witness to heartbreak's weight.
Amidst the shards of shattered dreams,
A glimmer of self-love beams,
A beacon to guide me through the night.
- Jay(purple)
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
8 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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Candlewitch
8 months 1 week ago
Hello Jay Purple,
I see that you are very new to Neopoet! Welcome to the site. The poem sets the hook with the very first line.... It is a haunting experience to read! my favorite lines are:
bond once strong, now grows old
Deceit seeps in like winter's night
Leaving scars, and a hollow light
I am hoping to read more from you.
*hugs, Cat