Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Oct 21, 2024
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
The odd ordinance awed Odin's ends only to oddly OD on awe when all asked did the audience kill Art?
My poems
Search
Filter by year
▾
Filter by status
▾
Order by
▾
Your 2 poems
Death (1 poems)
▾
Audiences killed Art? #241840 13 hours ago English poem
Unsuccessful
View poem
New beginnings (1 poems)
▾
Brought to you by AVBOB
Terms of use | Privacy policy | Intellectual property rights
Copyright AVBOB 2024
Audiences killed Art?
By: Fortune Motsabi
Tentacles of time titillate determined tapestries terminals tunneled internally towards termination of self determination. Follow us for followers is the fall of was the cat dead or alive? Where thinking out of the box bares a juxtaposition of logic and Inglis Brian's scientism, balanced only by frail stringent empaths on shakey stills of Copenhagen interpretations, precipitated overtly by observation that leads to murder. Was the culprit Curiosity, or was or was it the cure in while sitting? Juggling this impotent silence over the flame that strung time along just to birth death that do be proud as life in an opened closed box, segmented across contrasting worlds, where determination depends not on the observer but determination itself. Is the cat dead or alive? The catastrophe of this cataclysm catacomb the catalyst while pussy footing about the exhibition chair wondering, is Duchamp's Wheel, art or trash? The odd ordinance awed Odin's ends, only to oddly OD on awe when all asked, did the audience kill Art?
By: Fortune Motsabi
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
8 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem is a complex piece that employs a range of literary techniques and references. It seems to be exploring the themes of art, perception, and the nature of existence, with a particular focus on the concept of Schrödinger's cat, a thought experiment in quantum mechanics.
The poem's language is rich and dense, filled with alliteration and internal rhyme. This creates a rhythmic, almost hypnotic effect that draws the reader in. However, the complexity of the language and the abstractness of the concepts being explored may make the poem difficult for some readers to fully understand.
The poem could benefit from a clearer narrative or thematic thread to guide the reader through its ideas. As it stands, the poem jumps between different images and concepts, which can be disorienting. For instance, the transition from "the fall of was the cat dead or alive?" to "Inglis Brian's scientism" is abrupt and confusing.
The poem also contains several ambiguous phrases, such as "the cure in while sitting" and "juggling this impotent silence over the flame." While ambiguity can add depth to a poem, in this case, it contributes to the overall sense of confusion.
The use of questions throughout the poem is effective in engaging the reader and encouraging them to think more deeply about the poem's themes. However, the final question, "did the audience kill Art?" could be more impactful if it were set up more clearly in the preceding lines. As it stands, it feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the poem.
In conclusion, this poem has a lot of potential and contains some interesting ideas and effective literary techniques. However, it could benefit from a clearer structure and more accessible language to help guide the reader through its complex themes.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Headless Two F…
8 months 1 week ago
The odd ordinance awed Odin's ends only to oddly OD on awe when
I appreciate the constructive criticism, although the overall theme of the poem is to confuse the reader, to have the reader be comfortable with the confusion and acquiesce to it. The underlying purpose of the theme is to introduce a quantum physics's approach of looking at a poem, where in one world it makes sense to the reader, and in another it fails to bare that modicum of sensibility. The idea is to play with different quantum physics's interpretation to alert the reader to the confusion that is not a visitor but a citizen of the poem, the questions are meant to cause a never ending cycle, where each answer opens room for more questions probably contrasting the first answer given. The poem is constructed as a coil, although not a perfect one, because the lines are meant to cross interface and revert back into their original rhythm sometimes. The audience on the question posed and the observer in the Schrödinger's cat are placed in the same place, where their participation in observing whether the cat/art is alive or dead, is and can be detrimental to the cat/art. The use of Duchamp's Wheel is the way the question is simplified to the reader.