Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Oct 21, 2024
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
The Phoenix
You can knock me down
Twist your knife in my back
You can have all the power
But it's conviction you lack
You can broadcast my crimes
Exploit my every weakness
I have no doubt you'll try
There's no point you'll miss
As I wind up on my knees
For the hundred millionth time
You'll think you've won, but
Life just isn't that sublime
You can't break my heart
I've already slammed that door
Your bullet to the heart
Won't damage my armor
Because I keep getting up
Brushing the ashes to the dirt
Gold gleaming in my eyes
My mind is a stronghold fort
Fire burning all around me
It only makes me stronger
Every punch you throw
Only makes me hold on longer
You can look down on me
Like I'm something to fix
So go ahead and light me up
'Cause you can't burn the Phoenix
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
8 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The Phoenix" conveys a strong message of resilience and inner strength in the face of adversity. The imagery of rising from the ashes and being unbreakable like a phoenix is powerful and effectively conveys the theme of overcoming challenges.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the rhyme scheme and meter throughout the poem to add more dynamism and flow. This can help keep the reader engaged and enhance the overall impact of the poem. Additionally, paying attention to the consistency of imagery and metaphor usage can further strengthen the cohesion of the piece.
Overall, the poem effectively captures the spirit of resilience and determination, and with some adjustments to the structure and coherence, it has the potential to resonate even more with the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
8 months ago
Dear Shelby,
This reader was enormously engaged with your poem... it is something I have gone through, found my strength in the face of adversity! I think the poem is perfect the way it is. My favorie lines are:
You can look down on me
Like I'm something to fix
So go ahead and light me up
'Cause you can't burn the Phoenix
The last line is so empowering! Thanks for this!
*hugs, Cat
Shelby Pryor
7 months 3 weeks ago
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your kind words, and I'm so so happy you enjoyed this!