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Oct 21, 2024
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Menace
My body is a menace.
Stands in the way of progress only to be hated by the runners of this here planet
My body ,only seeking refuge from the stares
Secretly they desire to squeeze and feel and discover it,
While all the while criticizing it's colour shape and essence
This body...a menace, only when I give you power over it
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
8 months 4 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Menace" effectively conveys a sense of frustration and defiance towards societal expectations and judgments regarding one's body. The use of the word "menace" to describe the body adds a powerful and confrontational tone to the poem. The imagery of the body standing in the way of progress and seeking refuge from stares is evocative and relatable. The contrast between the desire to discover and criticize the body highlights the complexity of how bodies are perceived and treated by others. The final line about giving power over the body is thought-provoking and adds depth to the poem. Consider further exploring the emotions and experiences related to the body to enhance the impact of the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
8 months 4 weeks ago
Hello Deranged,
I usually do not agree with AI, as it has no soul...in this case I do (it is very rare) Evocative, for certain!
I would cut this line in half:
Stands in the way of progress only to be hated
by the runners of this here planet
I like these lines best:
While all the while criticizing it's colour shape and essence
This body...a menace, only when I give you power over it
and I like your title!
take or leave my suggestions as they are only suggestions and I am a visitor with a day-pass, lol
*hugs, Cat
p.s.
my body and I have been at war with each other for many years!
Candlewitch
8 months 4 weeks ago
I forgot to...
Welcome you to the Neopoet poetry site! It is very nice to meet you! I will remember your name and look for more postings of poems you should write. I much enjoyed and could relate to what I have read!
*hugs, Cat