tossing

it will take a blink
for your name to become
unknown

i will untangle my hair
each letter of you
comb them through
un-use my fingers
the clench and fist
swallow of tongue
on your judgments

to finally see
tiny grains of sand
how water seeps through
drains away and
as an ocean ebbs and flows

you are
driftwood

alone with
careless waves
waiting

the next storm

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: [This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Melbourne, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Bukowski, Neruda, Rumi, Gibran, Jeffers, Corso, Waldman, Kerouac

Comments

Janice Pearce

14 years 2 months ago

Tossing

Loved this poem, except the second stanza did not fit for me, Just my opinion, still enjoyed this piece!

Geezer

14 years 2 months ago

a great feeling of sadness in this one. I like the concept, but... are you untangling the letters from your hair? And [un-use] your fingers? I think you are being a little too abstract, to make the whole thing come together. ~ Gee

Ayaz Warith

14 years 2 months ago

Dear CC, I liked this lovely

Dear CC, I liked this lovely piece very much. It soothed my eyes, heart and veins.
Regards
Ayaz

Candlewitch

14 years 2 months ago

Dear CC,

I love a little bit of abstraction! You have a unique and unusual way of phrasing things. I found this piece to be a wistful piece of art. I especially liked the lines:

you are
driftwood

alone with
careless waves
waiting

the next storm

Great summation!

always, Cat

p.s.
one suggestion: awaiting instead of waiting?